Trump explains that the real wall was the friends we made along the way
WASHINGTON, DC – Less than a day after taking to twitter to re-characterize his promised border wall as “new renovation of old and existing fences,” President Donald Trump has once again do…
Niki Ashton desperately trying to get someone to protest her next speech
OTTAWA – Trailing in the polls, NDP leadership candidate Niki Ashton is really hoping someone will aggressively heckle her next speech so she can get some Internet love as well. “Obvi…
Tortured artist actually lives very nice life
MONTREAL, QC- After waking up in the afternoon for the eighth day in a row and taking out a hand rolled cigarette from the back pocket of his $380 jeans while looking out over his downtown loft b…
Toronto woman finally saves enough to move out of parent’s house for one month
TORONTO – After working multiple jobs for several years and saving diligently, local woman Theresa Graham finally has enough money to move into her own apartment for one month before moving…
Quiz: Are you in Antifa or a Ska Band?
Antifa, a term used to describe a militant organization dedicated to combatting fascism. Ska bands, a term used describe organizations dedicated to playing sweet jams you can skank to. It is almo…
Lynn Beyak asks Indigenous Canadians to join rest of Canada in ignoring Indigenous issues
OTTAWA – After spending several months carefully examining and refining her position, Senator Lynn Beyak has released a statement encouraging Indigenous Canadians to put aside their grudges…
Longtime Stephen King fans criticize new IT adaptation for not being bad
BANGOR, ME — Following the recent big screen success of Stephen King’s IT, hardcore fans of the horror author’s previous adaptations demand to know why the new remake is not also completely…
Man baffled his personal experience isn’t the universal human experience
WINDSOR, ON – After 32 years of intimately unique memories, local man Daniel Hagedorn is still unable to comprehend that his lived-in personal experience is not the universal human experien…
Mom embarrasses son by whipping out old album full of dick pics
WINDSOR – A proud local mother embarrassed her son yesterday evening, when she showed his new girlfriend an album full of his old dick pics. “I get it, she’s proud of me,” said Timothy Henr…
Report: Every day that Ted Cruz does not like a porn tweet now feels boring by comparison
Luke and the Panel (Andrew Ivimey, Cathryn Naiker and Sebastian Fazio) break down why the Ted Cruz porn story is the greatest news story of the year so far (2:00), debunk the ‘unnamed staff…
