Jagmeet Singh suspends entire NDP caucus to be safe
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh has announced that he is suspending all of his MPs as a precaution in the event that more members of his caucus are accused of harassment or other forms of…
Latte artist moves into expressionist period
TORONTO – Veteran latte artist Joseph Romano, who has become infamous for his striking works such as “Heart” and “Flower, If You Kinda Squint Your Eyes,” has made a shift in genre fro…
Trump announces re-launch of Iranian nuclear weapons program
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has announced that he will be re-launching Iran’s stalled nuclear weapons program after years of very little progress. “Iran deserves another shot at …
Andrew Scheer to serve as stark reminder for young people that smoking pot does not make you cool
OTTAWA – Admitting on Monday that he used to smoke pot when he was in university, federal Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer is now holding himself up as a disturbing example to young …
Exclusive: The Beaverton has obtained the casting call sheet for the role of “Doug Ford supporters”
TORONTO – Doug Ford’s campaign has confirmed that actors were hired to play Ford Nation supporters outside the Ontario leaders’ debate Monday evening. It is tradition that parties shameless…
Rudy Giuliani really feels like he’s starting to get the hang of this
WASHINGTON — After joining President Trump’s legal defense team and embarking on a series of questionable media interviews, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly stated that he is “easing into this …
Alberta UCP vows parents will be alerted at first sign child shows any progressive leanings
RED DEER, AB – The United Conservative Party passed a motion at their convention this past weekend to require that teachers notify parents if their children display signs of holding any sor…
Local man excited to regurgitate opinion he saw on Reddit
NEWMARKET, ON – After spending hours scrolling in order to reaffirm his world-view, local man James Reed is delightfully excited to regurgitate an opinion he saw on Reddit. At press time, Reed ma…
Alberta’s Conservatives call for schools to inform parents if students watched RuPaul’s Drag Race
RED DEER, AB – The United Conservative Party of Alberta held a policy convention last weekend which passed a resolution that will require all of the province’s schools to inform paren…
Men everywhere finally given excuse to brag about oral sex skills on social media
MIAMI – After DJ Khaled’s 2015 comments resurfaced on social media, straight men everywhere took to their keyboards to finally tell the world how much they like going down on women. DJ Khal…
