Local woman changes position after man calls her a bitch online
CALGARY – It’s been a long, hard process of soul searching and self-reflection, but local internet user Grace Marsh isn’t complaining as she undertakes a complete overhaul of her opinions a…
Black & Decker invents new leaf blower that works at times other than 6:30AM
TORONTO – In a technological breakthrough that is set to revolutionize the landscaping industry, scientists at Black and Decker have invented a leaf blower that is able to be operated after…
Trump wondering how long he has to wait before offering Papa John cabinet position
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Sources within the Trump administration are reporting that the president has asked many of his top aides how long he has to pretend that he is not going to offer recently resign…
Local woman evangelizing for new diet like a burning bush told it to her
WINNIPEG – Since starting a ketogenic diet 4 days ago, Garden City resident Raekell Griggs has begun trying to recruit friends for the diet with a fervour usually only found in those who ar…
You’ll never believe how this millionaire who has access to the best healthcare in human history stays so young looking
LOS ANGELES – Everyone wants to know how actress, heiress and noted WOFPSWF (woman over forty people still wanna fuck) Simone Star maintains her youthful appearance, and finally her secret …
A&W Canada to replace plastic straws with organic 100% beef tubes
OTTAWA – In an effort to reduce petroleum waste, A&W Canada will phase out plastic straws by 2019, replacing them with grain-fed beef tubes. “A&W has long been an innovator in dri…
Study: Canadians unable to identify what a book is unless it has a ‘Heather’s Pick’ sticker
TORONTO – A groundbreaking new study from the University of Toronto has found that Canadians are unable to identify what a book is unless it has been ordained by Heather Reisman, CEO of Ind…
Greyhound cancellation: Saskatchewan government looking for new ways to ship homeless people to Vancouver
REGINA – The Saskatchewan government is scrambling to find a new way of solving its homeless problem instead of purchasing them a one-way ticket to Vancouver. Last week, Greyhound announced…
Self-involved friend thinks she’d make a great therapist
TORONTO, ON – After years of offering unsolicited advice to friends, family, and absolute strangers, local self-involved woman, Miranda Emmerson, announced to friends at a wedding Saturday …
Tiger Woods still looks tired from all that extramarital sex he was having a few years ago
JUPITER ISLAND, FL – Having not won a PGA tournament since 2013, a wide array of golf experts agreed on Thursday that golfing legend Tiger Woods still looks “very tired” from all that extra…
