NEW YORK – In a moment of surprising and inspirational unity, all of the nations of the world agreed at a summit today that, while there was absolutely nothing they could do about it now, they probably should have “ all done something about climate change a while ago,” read a unanimous resolution.
“It is heartening to see the nations of Earth speak with one voice by throwing up their hands in defeat,” announced UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres. “We have come together to work across cultural and political lines and place the blame upon our past selves and give a resounding, “meh, whatta ya going to do?” to the future.”
While many at the summit expressed sadness that the world as they knew it was going to end in the near future, this feeling was drowned out by self-congratulation for finally getting climate-change deniers to admit that there was a problem.
“At least we’re talking about it,” read a press release signed by the scientific members Conservation International. “Never in all our years did I think we could get worldwide unanimity and all it took was waiting long enough to be past the point where attempts to curb climate disaster are futile.”
The summit has already won several international awards, and upon returning to their home countries the signatories have each been feted with bottled water showers, monster truck rallies, and recycling bin bonfires.