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National
National
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Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Elections Canada concerned facts may interfere with federal election
Canadian lectures American on how only 17 people were shot in Toronto over the weekend
Nation’s architects admit they don’t know what they’re doing
Budget-wise Canadian military purchases cheaper No Name missiles
Bus seat disturbingly warm
Improved mall map tells visitors how to just get to the goddamned Cinnabon
Cute dog on street delays mental breakdown by 50 minutes
Everyone at nude beach hideous
Toronto Landlord just needs you to put a 20% down payment on the building before you sign a lease
Doug Ford demands officer who carded Masai Ujiri be allowed to march in Raptors parade
Most affordable apartments in Toronto revealed to be bathroom stalls in club
Doug Ford announces new Toronto subway lines, cancels them before end of conference
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished
New law requires Quebec to show its racism visibly
Montreal riots after Boston loss
Oh great, the Gastown Steam Clock is vaping now
Local woman can’t find anything she owns despite living in 200 sq. ft. micro apartment
Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi
Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards
Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood
Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends
Dawson City River fountain deemed a success
Whitehorse grandfather from 2075 regales grandchildren about surviving with only 2 Starbucks locations
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year
University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication
University anarchist group demands dedicated unsafe space
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Exhausted Americans petition Greenland to purchase US instead
Trump congratulates Gary Busey on becoming Prime Minister of UK
Belize changes national anthem to ‘Belize It or Not, I’m Walking on Air’
Trump fails to notice that Royals sent cast of “The Crown” to greet him
Trump loses interest in buying Greenland after learning it isn’t a money-themed amusement park
America’s wealthy perverts unsure which of them actually staged Epstein suicide
Regretful voting machine lobby realizes Mitch McConnell would have blocked election security bills for free
In testimony, Robert Mueller reaffirms commitment to never saying or doing anything helpful
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Sports
Sports
Heartwarming: City of Calgary donates $275M to local billionaire
ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence
Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry
Kawhi Leonard issues restraining order on 37 million Canadians
Business
Business
Air Canada invokes notwithstanding clause to overturn Air Passenger Bill of Rights
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
Shoppers Drug Mart launches PC Opium Points program
Canada’s Wonderland opens tallest, longest rollercoaster line on Earth
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Canadian actor enters 40th year as “emerging artist”
Woman’s Postmedia boycott fails when she discovers she’s a subsidiary of Postmedia
Terrified man still trapped in friend’s immersive theatre show
7 movies to watch before you die tomorrow at dawn
Guests furious hotels will no longer be giving out little bottles filled with terrible products no one uses
Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death
Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information
Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious
Insurance industry warns that single-payer pharmacare could reduce their access to our money
Zombie therapist wants patients to know that they can’t keep running from their problems
Anti-vax protest cancelled due to measles outbreak
“Aspartame is bad for you,” says friend who just snorted gigantic line of ketamine
The Multiple Universes Theory perfectly explains those photos of me with another woman, Linda – by Professor H.H. Montgomery
Take it from me, an opinion columnist with no expertise, the MMIWG Commission’s use of the term genocide is wrong
Editorial: It’s time we think about canceling babies
Coconut oil can solve any problem, and yes I’d like to sell you some
Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it
Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy
Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers
If I do not inculcate ideals of violence and aggression in my son, how will he appreciate cowboy movies?
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
Oh great, the Gastown Steam Clock is vaping now
Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?
Aww! This new mother and infant child are oblivious to the shared trauma they will inflict on each other
Finally Achieve a Work-Life Balance by Cutting Jessica Out of Your Life
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?
QUIZ: We should totally grab a coffee sometime! When are you free?
QUIZ: Did you grow up watching TVOKids, YTV, or are you a well-adjusted adult that doesn’t use nostalgia as a crutch?
Quiz: Do you trust priests again, or are you watching Fleabag Season 2?
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you
These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
Video
Videos
Full Episodes
Watch: Season 3, Episode 5
Return of SNC-Lavalin Scandal allows Canadians second opportunity to not understand it
Is Queer Culture Being Ruined By Straights?
Watch: Season 3, Episode 4
Watch: Season 3, Episode 5
Watch: Season 3, Episode 4
Watch: Season 3, Episode 3
Watch: Season 3, Episode 2
Podcasts
The Beaverton Weekly Report
Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings
Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close
St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity
The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book
Workshops
1532163
The Bravest Television Show On Air?
So very brave…
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