Solar panel spill releases almost 1000000 lumens of sunlight into environment - The Beaverton
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Solar panel spill releases almost 1000000 lumens of sunlight into environment

BROOKS, AB – A large solar farm in Brooks has experienced a massive accidental spill, releasing an unprecedented amount of daylight into an area encompassing several square kilometers around the array.

“As much as we try to avoid them, unintended releases of light are inevitable,” said Simon Lock, the manager of the solar array. “But this is a very small spill, barely enough to read by.”

Some question whether the facility intentionally delayed informing the public and authorities about the spill, which wasn’t officially reported until several days after the incident occurred. The only information given about the spill right after it happened were posts on social media by locals taking advantage of the free daylight to get deep tans in the dead of night.

“The industry is woefully under regulated,” said local anti-solar activist Helen Porter. “They don’t even have to create environmental impact assessments to estimate the effect a light spill would have on the local flora and fauna.”

“We’re seeing flowers blooming around the clock and the nocturnal animals are deeply confused. But it’s not just impacting wildlife. Because of the spill, people in the vicinity have to wear sunglasses at all hours and most can’t get Corey Hart’s ‘Sunglasses at Night’ out of their heads.”

“What if this daylight seeps into the local water table?” Porter asks. “Sure, sparkling water sounds nice in theory, but imagine the psychological toll of having to use a toilet filled with ethereal liquid light.”

This incident has come at an unfortunate time for the already controversial solar industry in Alberta, with several more proposed farms now being put on hold while the province considers if it should put its resources into a more stable and environmentally friendly form of electrical production like coal.

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