Watch: Season 3, Episode 6 - The Beaverton
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Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Trudeau: If Liberals vetted people before giving them powerful jobs, I’d never have become Prime Minister
“Don’t call me Canada’s Donald Trump” says Canada’s Donald Trump Jr.
Canadians relieved our right-wing, authoritarian politicians not charismatic enough to inspire Coups
Canada’s military to vaccinate aging equipment first
“You’re not like other girls,” says man exactly like all other men
“I know what I’m talking about”, says man who only read title of vaccine article
Middle school girl swears her eyes change colour on command, it’s just not working right now
Local man makes New Year’s Resolution not to make New Year’s Resolutions, fails
Ford moving York Region into lockdown now that everyone from Peel and Toronto have had time to do their shopping there
John Tory tweets “Stay home. Unless you’re being evicted, then get the fuck out.”
You’ll never believe what Rogers is going to replace the SkyDome with and yeah you’re right it’s condos
Media enters 4th day of wall-to-wall coverage over mediocre BBQ restaurant
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished
iPhone battery collapsing from 100% to 1% signals arrival of winter
Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it
Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou
City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood
Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
Russian opposition leader Navalny will get fair trial, says head judge Vladimir Rutin
Cheers turn to silent horror as New Year’s countdown reads -1, -2, -3
Milky Way galaxy shut down after discovery of human fighting ring
Pope Francis supports gay civil unions in an attempt to bring Catholicism into the ‘90s
Kamala Harris promises more BIPOC representation in US prison population
Jason Kenney thanks Biden for giving him new thing to blame all of Alberta’s economic woes on
Mitch McConnell bites hand that no longer feeds him
Report: Trump still trying to get Biden to touch ‘Freaky Friday’ amulet
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Sports
Sports
Gary Bettman announces Kraft Hockeyville winner will go to a town in US Southwest instead
Lucky bonspiel spectator catches game-winning curling stone
Update: Canadians realizing silver medal not worth health risk
RCMP warns of increased sectarian violence ahead of NHL’s new All-Canadian division
Business
Business
NRA files for bankruptcy after “Attending a Wedding of 100” people becomes hot new way to murder
“Shop local” posts man who bought book from Indigo instead of Amazon
“Just figure it out!” screams Jeff Bezos at underlings after hearing of man who provides overnight shipping worldwide on Christmas Eve
Indoor restaurant builds separate indoor restaurant on sidewalk in order to work within COVID guidelines
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
New Harry Potter TV show will only go ahead if J.K. Rowling can personally inspect the genitals of everyone involved
Chris Evans rumoured to be in talks to reprise his universally beloved Marvel film character, Johnny Storm
Grimes says she’s “enjoying” having COVID-19, being in relationship with Elon Musk
Two dead after argument over oxford comma turns violent
Local man’s hand lotion unable to be placed anywhere without implying that’s where he jerks it
Sleep scientists announce they don’t know what the fuck to do with their arms when lying down either
Local woman optimistically transfers all 2020 goals to her new 2021 planner
Perfume sample in magazine announces Dior’s latest scent, “Magazine Page”
Canesten develops fire extinguisher to treat burning vagina candles
“WHAT’S IN THE VACCINE?” says man who doesn’t know what’s in his fridge
Elderly man in line for vaccine really three 28 year-olds in trench coat
Experts warn city pipes unequipped for sudden influx of pubes following vaccine availability
Op-Ed: Dr. Jill, kiddo, a bit of advice here: drop the “Biden”
Veterans fought for my freedom to kill them with COVID-19
Editorial: I could have saved you from all of this, you beautiful little fools – By Jeb Bush
Straw man is idiot
‘So far so good’ reports baby carrying around Ming Dynasty vase
Parents think world-ending catastrophe actually huge opportunity for you
Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names
Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
5 ways to console a man’s ego after calling him out on his shit
5 new party drugs that are just you taking your antidepressants regularly
5 manly masculine grooming kits for your disgusting boyfriend
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?
Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?
Highlights of U.S. Election Day
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
Video
Videos
Full Episodes
Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for
White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Watch: Season 3, Episode 8
Watch: Season 3, Episode 7
Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Support
The Book
Workshops
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Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Emma and Miguel look at the Quebec religious symbols ban.
