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Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Don Cherry passes Fox News job interview
B.C. exits from Wexit with BCexitwexit
“See how easy that was?” says May to Scheer after quitting
Advisors confident Scheer’s personal charm and charisma will allow him to survive leadership review
Local woman spends day off terrified she’s forgetting something
$200 winter boots makes man weigh pros and cons of having feet
PC police critic cries after being called ‘boomer’
Kidnappers arrested for taking the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl
New Toronto dating app replaces first date with moving in together to save on rent
Study: Lining up to exit subway car on wrong side most embarrassing thing a Torontonian can do
Zoo trades away most popular animals; working towards ‘competitive window’ in 2024
Toronto Landlord just needs you to put a 20% down payment on the building before you sign a lease
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished
New law requires Quebec to show its racism visibly
Montreal riots after Boston loss
Oh great, the Gastown Steam Clock is vaping now
Local woman can’t find anything she owns despite living in 200 sq. ft. micro apartment
Rest of country to Vancouver: We get it, you have good sushi
Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood
Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends
Dawson City River fountain deemed a success
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year
University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
New ISIS Leader torn between striped tie and paisley tie for first day
Trump honestly forgets which debt he’s paying back by pulling troops from Syria
Report: Self-entitled Generation Z wants to live past the age of 40
Ongoing Titanic deterioration halts production of live-action underwater musical
Roger Stone concerned he has not yet been rescued from jailhouse by escape zeppelin
Police concerned as Jane Fonda recidivism climbs by 300%
“You’ll see! One day I’ll be the biggest dancer on Broadway!” sobs Sean Spicer to disapproving dad
Trump still chanting “lock him up” as staffers afraid to break news that baseball fans meant him
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Sports
Sports
Fabricland files for bankruptcy after biggest customer fired from Coach’s Corner
Man voted 7th greatest Canadian of all time says 845th racist thing
Sportsnet reminds viewers of its zero-consequence-for-racism policy
TFC players canvassing to raise awareness of championship run
Business
Business
Juul unveils wrongful-death-lawsuit flavoured pods
Boeing unveils new jet that looks suspiciously like two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat
Air Canada invokes notwithstanding clause to overturn Air Passenger Bill of Rights
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Designated driver drunk on power
Meet Tilda Swinton’s sister, Close Bracket Swinton
Local man convinces self he’s having good time at back of concert
“I’m a musician too,” adds q’s Tom Power for the 500th time
Guests furious hotels will no longer be giving out little bottles filled with terrible products no one uses
Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death
Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information
Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious
Juul unveils wrongful-death-lawsuit flavoured pods
Dental hygienist slides into patient’s DMs to ask if he’s flossing
Health Canada warns that vaping fuckin’ sick
Impacted molar can’t wait to prove smug “Canadian healthcare” retort wrong
I saw 20 minutes of Iron Man 2 and I’ve thrown up every day since – By Martin Scorsese
Now that the campaign is over, I’d like to talk to you about your life insurance options
Editorial: I wouldn’t want to be part of a coalition government that would have me anyway
The Multiple Universes Theory perfectly explains those photos of me with another woman, Linda – by Professor H.H. Montgomery
Weird couple names their son “John”
Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it
Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy
Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?
Five horror-movie locations that will make you want to redecorate your sex dungeon
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
Top 5 Halloween costumes that are just the Joker you unimaginative white man
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?
Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you
These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
Video
Videos
Full Episodes
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system
Every person working at Polling Station even older than the last
Study finds key to boosting youth vote is getting olds to stop voting
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Watch: Season 3, Episode 8
Watch: Season 3, Episode 7
Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Podcasts
The Beaverton Weekly Report
Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings
Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close
St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity
The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book
Workshops
1483101
Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Emma and Miguel look at the Quebec religious symbols ban.
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