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Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
National
National
Local
Toronto
Montreal
Vancouver
North
Campus
University Reviews
Canada Votes 2015
Student that received CESB blows it all on single PDF textbook
Snowbirds boost morale by scaring the shit out of everyone
Canadian man furious that Liberals infringing on his second amendment rights
To soothe nation, Trudeau delivers daily address in ASMR
Condo developers seek help from Marginalized Community on where to gentrify next
5 great excuses not to hang out when you’re free all the time now and they know it
Family finally decapitates Minotaur inhabiting living room pillowfort
Introvert fine
Editorial: I went to Trinity Bellwoods, but only because I miss urinating in bushes
Toronto refuses to lose to New York in COVID-19 case count
TTC adequate for first time in 40 years
Eglinton LRT construction extended just long enough to be cancelled at last minute
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished
New law requires Quebec to show its racism visibly
Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou
City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again
Impeachment hearings relocated to Vancouver to reduce production costs
Oh great, the Gastown Steam Clock is vaping now
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood
Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends
Dawson City River fountain deemed a success
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Low-income student receiving free tuition to be given Ontario’s $348 billion debt next year
University-aged Buck-a-Beer connoisseurs taste the subtle hints of intoxication
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
World
U.S.
Historical Archives
UK government advises residents to pick up cricket bat, wait by door for coronavirus
North Korean officials claim Kim Jong-un not dead, just messy bitch who loves drama
Japan, IOC postpone all 2020 Olympic events except fencing
China concerned Western authoritarian government will cover up coronavirus outbreaks
Little Free Library implements more comprehensive Covid-19 strategy than White House
Justice Department decides doing a crime that you did doesn’t mean you did the crime that you definitely did
Trump frankly disappointed more haven’t died yet
Trump pretty sure Tide Pod Challenge will cure COVID-19
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Sports
Sports
Desperate TSN programmer just gonna start airing his high school hockey games
Japan, IOC postpone all 2020 Olympic events except fencing
NCAA searching for new ways to exploit student athletes after cancellation of March Madness
IOC asks all athletes to participate in Tokyo Olympics from their homes
Business
Business
Air Canada CEO claims company is too busy firing employees to refund passengers
Canadian geese offer ass-to-door delivery of hot load of sidewalk shit
“Nothing can harm me now,” states Tim Hortons employee behind flimsy plastic sheet
Report: Nothing accomplished in Zoom meetings as everyone distracted checking themselves out
Culture
Culture
Lifestyle
Health
Opinion
Parenting
Stats
Classifieds
Netflix to release a documentary on gay dogs: “There’s something there?”
OPINION: It’s time to reopen the Ark of the Covenant
Caroline In The City cast reunites for pandemic episode for some reason
Housemate sure picked hell of a time to get back into Ska
Optimistic woman only burns June pages of 2020 planner
Burglar who hid under bed to avoid getting caught has been waiting two months for woman to leave apartment
Spine of woman crouched in front of laptop achieves Golden Ratio
Canada Post overwhelmed by volume of wistful love-letters sent to nation’s eyebrow estheticians
Fuckable Canadians exempted from new mask recommendation
Following social distancing rules toughest for Canadians trapped in a human centipede
Women rejoice as men mandated to stay 6ft away
Exhausted nurse can’t wait to come home to neighbourhood kids banging on pots and pans for five minutes straight
It’s time to end the shutdown because infection numbers are stabilizing and I don’t understand the concept of cause and effect BY: CONRAD BLACK
Opinion: Why I’m boycotting Amazon unless I get bored or want something
EDITORIAL: Here’s how I boil my mail to protect myself from COVID-19
“We promise this article has nothing to do with COVID-19” by the Beaverton editorial board
Friend with young kids clearly fantasizing about murdering you as you describe how boring isolation has been
Weird couple names their son “John”
Baby celebrating first birthday just happy so many shapes could make it
Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
What are you dressing up as for Halloween?
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Beavfeed
Choice Your Own Adventure
Quiz
Slideshow
Guide To/How To
6 ways to shift blame when people spot you in those Trinity Bellwoods photos
5 best ways to celebrate frontline workers so you go viral
Great news! Upstairs neighbor finally has time to work on their vocal exercises
Economists hate her! This woman makes $500 a week with one simple tool!
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?
Quiz: What future Canadian drug shortage caused by the US will you die in?
10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on
6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor
5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you
These 5 people now live in P.E.I. because they couldn’t pay the $47 Confederation Bridge toll
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
Video
Videos
Full Episodes
Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for
White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Watch: Season 3, Episode 8
Watch: Season 3, Episode 7
Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Podcasts
The Beaverton Weekly Report
Trans activists make absurd demand to be treated like human beings
Doug Ford demands Green Party apologize for letting Oshawa GM Plant close
St. Michael’s principal promises to restore school to acceptable levels of toxic masculinity
The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
The Book
Workshops
1483101
Watch: Season 3, Episode 6
Emma and Miguel look at the Quebec religious symbols ban.
