CALEDON, ON – A sense of dread filled the air midway through Kayla Dissellia’s party as one attendee claimed they have a great game for everyone to play next. Up until that point, the casual games night had been full of fun social activities, though that ideal would soon be coming to an end as 26-year-old Paul Revaissliun began to unpack an obscenely large box filled with hundreds of tokens and graphs.
“We were having a lot of fun just having some drinks and playing silly games, but then Paul forced us all to place this weird map game no one likes,” explained party guest Alanah Tokami. “I don’t know why he thought we would enjoy this, one of the rules is no one can even speak until it’s their turn, which he keeps saying is essential to maintaining the realism of geopolitical tension.”
Despite all those in attendance, being perfectly content continuing to socialize over a game of Codenames, a lighthearted party game that is both simple and enjoyable; Paul decided that those in attendance would find more joy in the needlessly complicated game Hierarchy of Valor: Thrones of the Northern World. A game which comes packaged with a 400-page rulebook.
“This game is a bit confusing when you start, but once it gets going everyone will love it,” said Paul while setting up a scaled map of 1492 Europe across the living room floor. “So, everyone will control a different dynasty, each with their own unique currency. Depending on what cards you draw and how you roll the dice, that will determine whether your economy succeeds or fails, causing your currency to grow or decline in value. Now unlike some simple game like Risk there’s no actual combat, we must instead use our economic wits to win this war
Any hopes that this game may be fun were quickly dashed as soon as each player was handed a stack of graphs and charts that must be consulted before every turn. A note in the rulebook explained this was the 1.3 edition of the game, where the main patch note was a 0.34% nerf to cod farming which previously gave Portugal and Norway an unfair advantage, allowing either dynasty to end the game within a brisk seven hours.
Despite constant reassurances of enjoyment being merely on the horizon, the party was ultimately derailed and made objectively worse thanks to the introduction of this new game. It’s complicated mechanics, lack of social element, and a total misunderstanding of what makes for an enjoyable casual games night has brought down the energy in a once vibrant evening, according to sources.
Ultimately Paul would go on to handedly win the game during a 38 minute long turn that saw every other player gather in the kitchen and begin a side game of Truth or Dare Jenga.
Image via Deposit Photos