This year’s song of the summer just podcast about impeachment

TORONTO —- In what musicologists and pop chart analysts are calling an unprecedented trend, patterns in digital downloads, youtube views and online engagement all indicate that this year’s song o…

Kawhi Leonard issues restraining order on 37 million Canadians

TORONTO – Claiming he is being stalked, NBA Champion Kawhi Leonard has placed a restraining order on the entire country including members of the media, fans, and gawkers. The order requires…

Nation’s toddlers refusing to budge on no-nap policy

OTTAWA – With negotiations dragging on until well-past 3pm, the nation’s parents say they have reached an impasse with their toddlers, who are steadfastly maintaining a strict no-nap policy…

Ford claims carbon tax recklessly rear-ended him in latest legal attempt

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford appeared at an Ontario Superior Court with his injury lawyer claiming he was involved in a motor vehicle collision last night with the carbon tax, and announced …

Man delighted to discover his New Yorker tote bag is the perfect size to keep his stack of unread New Yorkers

TORONTO – After nearly four months of isolation, a New Yorker tote bag has found itself a greater purpose outside the dusty kitchen cabinets it once called home, “future graduate student” Samuel …

Cartoonist fired after viral cartoon threatens to keep print media relevant

SAINT JOHN, NB – Editorial cartoonist Michael de Adder was let go from Brunswick News Inc. just days after his viral cartoon of President Trump golfing near the bodies of dead migrants thre…

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

CHESHIRE, UK – After years of being the lone contributor to her village’s sacrificial blood rituals due only to the fact that she is a virgin, 18-year-old Josephine Paine finally spoke out in an …

Possessed doll tired of being typecast by Hollywood

LOS ANGELES – Standing in front of the posters for Child’s Play and Annabelle Comes Home at her local movie theater, Penny, a possessed doll and working actor, is unable to contain her ange…

Trudeau claims he was just holding a bag of single-use plastics for a friend

OTTAWA – After being caught on camera with a large quantity of single-use plastics, Justin Trudeau is adamantly denying the stash of fossil fuel derived cutlery belongs to him. “Look, this …

Doug Ford hires only the best family and friends to get to the bottom of nepotism claims

TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that he will review claims of nepotism by his government along with a crack team of friends and family members. Ford explained that the public can …