Editorial: I wouldn't want to be part of a coalition government that would have me anyway - The Beaverton

Editorial: I wouldn’t want to be part of a coalition government that would have me anyway

By , Leader of the Conservative Party

One of my favourite sayings by a young man named Andrew Scheer goes: I don’t care to belong to any coalition government that would have me as a member.

I want to strongly reiterate to Canadians all over the country, but especially those in Atlantic Canada, that nuh-uh, I didn’t want to be in their loser club anyway.

I have to ask, what kind of freaks would want to hang out all day and be best friends, and simultaneously raise the GST? Not me, that’s for sure.

and want to decriminalize every single hard drug out there. They tricked me into smoking a doobie with them once, saying that if I did it then I would get to make some service cuts, but then they just started laughing at me when I couldn’t stop coughing.

But say someone did want to be in a cool coalition government with me, I wouldn’t say no right away. They would have to promise to make up a secret handshake that’s even better than the one I could only imagine Trudeau and Singh do. Oh and they would have to unequivocally support every motion put forth by the ensuring our party a defacto majority.

I’m still waiting to hear back from Blanchet but he’s playing hard to get, which is fine because he needs to pretend to be “serious about a Bloc government.” But after night, you gotta cut that out Yves!

Singh is siphoning away some of Trudeau’s base, and is doing the same to my constituents. But I would never be desperate enough to ask Bernier to sit with us! It’s just so weird between us since he the uncanny valley Andrew Scheer. But maybe get back to me in six months…

And to those who say I’m excluding , I say no duh! Everyone knows the rule is no girls allowed!!!