Editorial: It’s time we think about canceling babies
By Fantine Hathaway Babies are the purest manifestation of narcissism and entitlement. It’s 2019 and I am ready to speak my truth; babies must be cancelled! I can say that because I’ve been a bab…
7 easy life hacks to gain unauthorized access to computer systems by exploiting security weaknesses!
Your life is jam-packed with time consuming busyness, so it’s nice to know there are ways to make things a little more simple and efficient. Whether you’re at home or at work, there are always wa…
BREAKING: Phone dead, laptop dead, iPad dead, in tragic technology massacre
MONCTON, NB — Three Apple products were pronounced dead at the scene this morning in what law enforcements are calling, “A technology triple homicide.” “It is difficult for me to comprehend…
“We’re ready for game 5,” says Raptors head coach Drake
MILWAUKEE, WI – Toronto Raptors head coach Drake says his team is 100% ready for a critical game 5 against the Milwaukee Bucks. The coach known for his animated court-side calls and antics …
Breaking: man lies about dating teenager, but not in the way you’d expect
LOS ANGELES – Musician and former famous person Moby is in the news for resolutely insisting he dated actress Natalie Portman when he was in his mid-thirties and she was a Harvard freshman …
Other famous political assassinations by milkshakes
With the recent murder of Brexit Party leader Nigel Farage by milkshake, the dangerous dairy beverage has been a popular weapon of choice for political assassins throughout history. Here are some…
Worst American pardons fourth-worst Canadian
TORONTO – Canada’s fourth-worst person, Conrad Black, is celebrating alone after receiving a pardon from America’s worst individual, their president. “If being the worst is a crime,” Trump told r…
Parents finally buy 30-year-old woman Motorola Razr
TORONTO – After nearly two decades, a family feud was finally put to rest during a celebratory dinner after 30-year-old Karleigh Byrne was gifted a Motorola Razr V3 by her parents for her recent …
Fans angry Game of Thrones ended with all contenders saying “good game” and slapping hands
VANCOUVER – Fans around the world are furious about the Game of Thrones series finale, which consisted of nearly eighty uninterrupted minutes of the characters congratulating each other for…
Police called on man trying to control women’s bodies
BEAMSVILLE, ON – Niagara Regional Police were called on a man accused of advocating for the coercion of women into having children, and preventing access to safe and legal health services. …
