Premiers’ meeting to be held in steam room now that there are no more female premiers

SASKATOON – The annual meeting of Canada’s provincial and territorial premiers, The Council of the Federation, starts today and as it’s the first time since 2008 there are no women attendin…

ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence

BRISTOL, CT – After the departure of NBA Champion and former Toronto Raptor Kawhi Leonard to the LA Clippers, ESPN has resumed the assumption that Canada is a mythical, non-existent land wh…

Couple with great sex life looking to spice things up in the kitchen

KELOWNA, BC – After two years of consistently mind blowing sex, Greg Hayes and Lauren Morgan Clark are ready to take their relationship to the next level and start cooking together. “Greg a…

Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry

TORONTO — With Rogers Sportsnet announcing that it has terminated Don Cherry’s Hockey Night In Canada contract following his recent on-air comments about immigrants, interest in the job has…

Woman who escaped religious oppressors trapped in photo with secular oppressor

PARIS – Nobel Peace prize winner and advocate for access to education for women, Malala Yousafzai, escaped the clutches of religious oppressors in her native Pakistan seven years ago only t…

Canadian airlines vow to fight court ruling that passengers aren’t luggage

OTTAWA – Canadian airlines are taking the federal government to the highest court in the land in hopes of quashing the recently upheld air passenger bill of rights that punishes airlines fi…

Alberta looks for new dying, volatile industry to tie economy to

CALGARY — One of the United Conservative Party’s first acts is to create a brand new task force to find a replacement for the oil sands as the erratic, short term linchpin of Alberta’s econ…

Ontario Minister Lisa MacLeod apologizes to Senators owner for outburst after mistaking him for parent of child with autism

OTTAWA – Ontario Minister of Tourism, Culture, and Sport Lisa MacLeod has apologized to Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk for mistaking him for any parent of a child with autism. “I apolo…

Millennial contract killer struggles in gig economy

TORONTO – As the gig economy continues to devastate any sense of job security among millennials, the hitman industry has been one of the hardest hits. “Jesus Christ, I mean, you’ve got civilian U…

Life Hack! Destroy all semblance of happiness by turning your hobbies into barely profitable side hustles!

Hey Millennials! How many times have you caught yourself saying, “Man, between the terrible job market, climate change, resurgence of actual Nazis, and having no money for rent or basic necessiti…