LONDON, ONT – In a stunning feat of perseverance, an ageing, tattered pair of camel coloured Ugg boots have managed to survive yet another year in their owner’s annual closet purge. “I just can’t let ...
Local dog certain you’d be much happier if he had your burger
YOUR LIVING ROOM – Your loving and loyal canine companion Rusty knows for a fact that everyone would benefit from you giving him your burger, and he’s confident he can convince you of that if yo...
Scores dead in war for middle arm rest
MONTREAL — A Via Rail trip traveling from Toronto to Montreal ended in bloodshed following a violent battle for the middle armrest in seats 21 A, B and C. At 9:00am Greg Bilson, Amelia Chang, an...
Comments section quarantined for outbreak of coronavirus-related racism
TORONTO – Thousands of Facebook users have been quarantined by the Public Health Agency of Canada after a significant outbreak of novel coronavirus-related bigotry on a CBC News comments thread....
Friend who moved to suburbs really wants you to come visit sometime
Oakville, ON – Ryan, your buddy from University who recently moved to the Toronto suburb of Oakville has texted you for the fourth time this month that you should totally come over and visit soo...
RCMP: Exclusion zones necessary to protect Canadian public from dangers of rampant journalism
UNCEDED WET’SUWET’EN TERRITORY – Following a pre-dawn raid to remove Indigenous occupants from several camps in northern B.C. today, the RCMP is defending its practice of removing journalists fr...
China happy that all this Huawei business is distracting from their genocide
BEIJING – With many countries refusing to allow Huawei technology because of its links to Chinese intelligence agencies, as well as the company’s CFO still waiting for extradition to the US, man...
Doug Ford has 95% approval rating among kids who hate school
HAMILTON – Premier Doug Ford and his Ontario PCs are decisively ahead among children who hate their schools, principals, and teachers. According to an Ipsos poll, 95% of Ontario elementary and h...
US Senate confirms committing crimes not illegal
WASHINGTON – Senate Republicans have confirmed that the crimes committed by US President Donald Trump, including abuse of power and obstruction of Congress, were not illegal. In a 53-47 vote, cr...
Desperate nation pining for US celebrity’s attention denies it’s boring
CANADA – Citizens from a nation always seeking US approval are expressing outrage that a washed-up pop singer from the 1980s called the country “boring.” “How dare she call us dull,” said Mary H...
