OTTAWA – In spite of recommendations restricting large gatherings of people to slow the spread of COVID-19, Health Canada has given the go-ahead to the upcoming furry convention Furtive Glances ...
Quarantined man celebrates St Patrick’s Day by doing keg stand alone in his living room
KINGSTON – As cities around the world cancel their St. Patrick’s day festivities over coronavirus concerns, one Queen’s University student was determined to stick to his initial plans responsibl...
Man on week-long social media break wonders why no one is at this awesome buffet
NEWMARKET, ON – Jeremy Philips, a health and wellness expert in Toronto, has celebrated a week-long social media break by visiting Ralph’s All-You-Can-Plate only to find it empty. “I can’t belie...
Canada announces it will exclusively import COVID-19 from US
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that all forms of coronavirus coming from outside from the country must come from American citizens. “Today, we are announcing that any per...
Employees at home working hard at pretending to work
OTTAWA – Millions of Canadians working from home due to the COVID-19 pandemic have started their days off pretending to be hard at work. “I could read these documents that my manager sent to me,...
“If we stop living our lives, the virus wins!” explains local hugger
VANCOUVER – Local hugger and long handshake enthusiast Shawn Tyler is encouraging people to ignore the advice of the medical establishment and hold fast to their ideals, and more importantly, ho...
Dogs cleared by WHO to resume eating single piece of spaghetti until they kiss
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – After months of uncertainty about their susceptibility to COVID-19, the World Health Organization announced that dogs could resume eating a single piece of spaghetti until ...
Breaking: All the news happening all at once
EARTH – According to reports from every single human being’s television, social media and worried mothers, all the news is currently happening right now. “I took a 10 minute shower and when I go...
Despite suspended NHL season, Leafs somehow still eliminated from playoffs
TORONTO — With the NHL announcing it will suspend the 2019/20 season due to concerns over the coronavirus pandemic, the League has also announced that the Toronto Maple Leafs have somehow still ...
