Trump cuts diplomatic ties with Germany after discovering they didn’t help U.S. in World War II either

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The international community was left reeling as the United States announced it was pulling its diplomatic mission out of Berlin after President Trump was informed that, l…

Health Canada warns that vaping fuckin’ sick

OTTAWA – Following several reports of vaping-related illnesses and deaths across North America, Health Canada has issued a strongly worded warning aimed at young people, informing them that…

5 great excuses for not voting in the Federal election, you piece of shit

OTTAWA – The Federal election is upon us, and projections show that the Millennial demographic wields considerable power to decide the future Prime Minister. You’re going to need a better excuse …

NDP candidate unsure who she’ll vote for

SYDNEY-HANTS, NS – A Nova Scotia NDP candidate is still undecided on which party she will vote for in the federal election. Marlene Campbell, a human rights activist and lawyer, said she ha…

Environmentalist’s scariest secret weapon

  Oh god…it’s terrifying!…

Starbucks scrambles to launch new drink for impeachment season

SEATTLE – Executives at Starbucks Coffee Company are working overtime to create a new drink to herald in impeachment season for U.S. President Donald Trump. Following the news that Trump ac…

Scheer: We must stop erasing Canadian history by learning about all of it

OTTAWA – During a campaign announcement that promised free attendance at Canadian museums, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer lamented the fact that political correctness is destroying Canad…

OC Transpo recommends Ottawa commuters leave for work a week earlier

OTTAWA – Ottawa’s public transit service is advising that area commuters should arrive at any bus or LRT stop a week in advance as a precaution to avoid being late for work. “We are still m…

NHL promises expansion team to every town in Quebec except Quebec City

  They know what they did.…

Zoo trades away most popular animals; working towards ‘competitive window’ in 2024

TORONTO – After suffering for years in comparison to other world-class zoos like the San Diego Zoo and Bronx Zoo, the Toronto Zoo has decided to intentionally send its best animals to other…