Trump crosses ‘start WWIII’ off his New Year’s Resolutions list
WASHINGTON D.C. – Right after ordering the assassination of Iran’s General Suleimani a satisfied Donald Trump sat back and took a pleasant moment to cross off ‘start WWIII’ from his 2020 Ne…
“I’d love to be catcalled,” says man who has never feared for his life
OTTAWA – After an intense discussion with female friends about the constant barrage of unwanted sexual attention women experience on the street, Jim Marsden announced that he would love to be cat…
George RR Martin confesses he lost next Game of Thrones book down a storm drain
NEW JERSEY – Famed fantasy novelist George RR Martin appeared before bewildered reporters this past Tuesday to tearfully admit that he accidentally lost the recently-finished next instalment of h…
Embarrassing Australian government continues to rage across the country
CANBERRA – Australia remains gripped by a raging and shameless government that appears to be engulfing the nation. Emergency crews and locals have attempted to control Liberal Prime Ministe…
In memoriam: The gloves we lost in 2019
We lost some of humanity’s best gloves and mittens in 2019. Here are just some of the best hand covers that we said good-bye to: Sheep leather glove (left hand) – Lost at the airport …
Editorial: Oscar Season is Heating Up! by a child named Oscar
By Oscar Barnes, Grade 2 Hi! The calendar is flipping to January, and if you love great movies, that means one thing: It’s time to start thinking about Oscar! Because he is hosting a birthday par…
Man trapped in endless loop of diving into infinity pool
EDMONTON – Jacob Quinn, a guest at the Mirage hotel is currently entering his third hour of diving into the infinity pool. “I just waited for him to come up from the water, but he never did…
Netflix password-sharing crackdown reveals just one paid subscriber
LOS GATOS, CA -– Following a new policy designed to strictly limit account-sharing among multiple users, Netflix has discovered that it has always just been one subscriber. The lone paying custom…
Antarctic glacier heard you like your seawater on the rocks
ANTARCTICA – After listening to humanity’s actions and proclamations for the past 60 years, a local Antarctic glacier took the hint and started preparing Earth’s seawater to be served on th…
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