OTTAWA – During his daily COVID-19 press briefing, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau urged Canadians to wear a mask when talking to others since it prevents them from “breathing or speaking moistly on each other.” As a result of such provocative statements, Canadian aunts from coast to coast were sent into an erotic frenzy.
“I almost came right then and there,” said a shaken Moira Mackenzie in Regina.
After years of turning on every woman over the age of 40 since he was first elected in 2015, Canadian aunts did not think they could have the hots for Trudeau more than they already did, but were proven very wrong on Wednesday morning.
Trudeau returned back to his home at 24 Sussex, while aunts everywhere had to cool off with a long bath and a glass of white wine.
“What am I supposed to do? Not watch the daily government update? That’s just irresponsible. But from now I’m going to have my vibrator on hand. Just in case!” said Carla Canavale, Mackenzie’s younger but equally frustrated sister-in-law in Saskatoon.
As the country struggles with over one million jobs lost, Trudeau was able to bring together and unite one particular group of Canadians that are often forgotten about. Aunts from Quebec and Alberta were finally heard by their elected officials. Some aunts are reported to have replayed the footage of Trudeau saying “moistly” until they were sufficiently moist themselves.
“I know he’s done some questionable things and was caught in brownface, but that’s in the past. He’s apologized for it. Canadians need to remember all the good things he’s done, like all the shirtless pictures he’s given us. There’s the one with the yoga pose, and the one on the beach… You know what something just came up that I forgot about. I have to go…” said a flustered Mackenzie.
At press time, the nation’s uncles were understandably upset at the Prime Minister for getting their wives all revved up, and vowed never to vote Liberal again
