Doug Ford has 95% approval rating among kids who hate school
HAMILTON – Premier Doug Ford and his Ontario PCs are decisively ahead among children who hate their schools, principals, and teachers. According to an Ipsos poll, 95% of Ontario elementary …
US Senate confirms committing crimes not illegal
WASHINGTON – Senate Republicans have confirmed that the crimes committed by US President Donald Trump, including abuse of power and obstruction of Congress, were not illegal. In a 53-47 vot…
Desperate nation pining for US celebrity’s attention denies it’s boring
CANADA – Citizens from a nation always seeking US approval are expressing outrage that a washed-up pop singer from the 1980s called the country “boring.” “How dare she call us dull,” said M…
Neat! Murdoch Mysteries has been on so long it now takes place in the future
What a twist! Turns out Beloved CBC tv series Murdoch Mysteries, about an early 20th Century detective with disturbingly pretty eyes, has been on the air for so many years that it now takes place…
Timothee Chalamet will now play every human on earth by 2023
LOS ANGELES – Following his successful portrayal of Henry V in The King and the announcement that he will be playing Bob Dylan in an upcoming biopic, Timothee Chalamet has announced that he…
Democrats excited by early opportunity to tear themselves apart from within
DES MOINES, IA – The U.S. Democratic party is celebrating a rare win after a computer glitch at their Iowa primary gave them a chance to self-destruct earlier than they normally do in an el…
Woman conducting job interview in coffee shop wants to know if candidate serious about this opportunity
TORONTO — Reports have confirmed that a woman conducting a job interview for a marketing intern position in a crowded local coffee shop, Margie’s, has concerns about whether the applicant will tr…
Kansas City Chiefs confirm they will go to Seattle for White House visit
KANSAS CITY, MO – Following their stunning 31-20 Super Bowl victory over the San Francisco 49ers, the Missouri-based Kansas City Chiefs have confirmed they will accept President Trump’s inv…
Conservatives distance selves from Scheer by crowning scandal prone white man who can’t win Quebec
OTTAWA – Seeking to put plenty of room between them and the disastrous leadership tenure of Andrew Scheer, the Conservative Party is preparing to anoint as leader Peter MacKay, a man credib…
Ontario’s education minister hopes fake anti-teacher coalition named after his riding won’t attract suspicion
VAUGHAN, ON – Education Minister and MPP for Vaughan Stephen Lecce is confident a fictitious anti-teachers union group called Vaughan Working Families whose ads appeared in major national n…
