Brand new TTC vehicle pre-emptively self-combusts to save everyone some time
TORONTO – After hearing stories about the chaos caused by Toronto Transit vehicles meeting their ends in fires, crashes, and nonstop signal problems, a new bus scheduled to begin service in Toron…
Bombardier ask for another $3.7 billion to study the effects of government money going through a jet engine
MONTREAL – Executives at Bombardier Inc. have asked the federal and provincial governments for another $3.7 billion in government grants and subsidies for a special research project whereby…
“Couldn’t they have called the coronavirus something else?” asks local man named Covid-19
CALGARY – The international community now has a name for the coronavirus that’s killed over a thousand people and sickened tens of thousands more, Covid-19, and a local man with the same na…
Postmedia columnists take a break from dehumanizing drug users to humanize Jordan Peterson’s drug problem
TORONTO – Postmedia columnists have taken time out of their busy days of condemning safe consumption sites and the “dangerous people” who use them to address Jordan Peterson’s addiction to …
Local man glad he hung onto cough mask from SARS outbreak
TORONTO – As the danger from Coronavirus increases daily, Keith Dellware is reportedly congratulating himself on his foresight and frugality by holding on to the same cough mask he wore dur…
Ontario teachers reject gov’s latest offer of ‘Ford gets to punch one teacher in the face every day’
TORONTO – After taking the weekend to mull it over, Ontario’s teachers have decided not to accept the provincial government’s latest offer, where salaries would be drastically cut and Ford …
GasLink claims many First Nations support the pipeline, just not the one whose land they’re putting the pipeline on
VANCOUVER- The company behind the Coastal GasLink pipeline has reasserted that many First Nations have signed off on the project, just not the nation whose unceded land they are currently buildin…
Canadians stockpile ear protection as precaution for John Baird leadership bid
OTTAWA – In preparation for a possible John Baird Conservative Party leadership bid, Canadians have been busy stocking ear protection equipment. Media speculation about Baird’s possible ent…
Toronto man throws going-away party for friend moving north of Bloor
TORONTO – After nine years living in the Toronto downtown core, friends and family of Brandon Miller have thrown a going away party in advance of his packing up and moving north of Bloor St…
Feminist win! Girl boss lays off thousands
WATERLOO, ON – CEO and HBIC of Sqork Media, Cheryl Hawkins recently laid off thousands of employees in a broader attempt to cut down costs. In a statement to the press, Hawkins said, “Thoug…
