Ford: “Ontario to slowly re-open COVID-19 outbreaks”

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced his government will be carefully re-opening the province to COVID-19 outbreaks.   With over 200 new cases reported yesterday, the premier s…

Toyota deeply regrets “Catch the Corolla Virus” ad campaign

JAPAN – Following an immense public backlash, Toyota Motor Corporation has issued a complete and unequivocal apology for the poorly considered wording of their multi-media ad campaign titled “Cat…

Internet worried it will run out of vital supplies of porn

THE INTERNET – Amid mass shortages of supplies of daily necessities like toilet paper and cleaning products, anxiety has started to increase with respect to a shortage of pornography available on…

Printer Finally Admits: I Had More Toner In Me

VICTORIA – This week in a remarkable display of altruism an HP Tango X Laserjet sent shockwaves through the stationary scene when it admitted its ‘low toner’ alert was a bold-faced-lie. Wit…

Oops! JK Rowling’s new children’s book has a 60-page TERF manifesto in the middle

LONDON, UK – Harry Potter author JK Rowling has come under fire after her new children’s book The Ickabog was published online with a novella-length TERF manifesto in the middle. “It was we…

LEGO recalls police sets after discovering pieces break down under slightest pressure

DENMARK – The LEGO corporation issued an announcement yesterday that it will be recalling all police-related toy sets after thousands of angry customers reported that the pieces broke down danger…

OPINION: It is nobody’s business what Lindsey Graham does in the privacy of his own voting record

As salacious rumours have begun swirling online about a certain republican senator with the initials “LG”, I want to remind everybody that it is absolutely nobody’s business wha…

Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees

MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …

Justin Trudeau still pausing

OTTAWA – This past Tuesday, Justin Trudeau took a 21 second pause before commenting on Donald Trump’s use of military action against protestors. Three days after the briefing, sources repor…

Jet Ski ends its relationship with Stockwell Day

OTTAWA – Personal watercraft manufacturer Jet Ski has ended its relationship with Stockwell Day after the spokesman denied there was systemic racism in Canada. “Our relationship with Mr. Da…