750,000 people trapped living in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – The Red Cross is reporting at least 750,000 people are still trapped living in Winnipeg carrying on with their day-to-day lives. The evacuation remains at a standstill as delusio…
Kinky democracy lovers reach peak arousal placing ballot in box
OTTAWA – This week’s advanced polls for the federal election were chock-full of lusty democracy lovers reaching their peak emancipation by casting their ballot into a box. Over two million …
Study finds 1 million species face extinction but raccoon that took over your balcony is going to be fine
TORONTO – A devastating study has revealed that humans are to blame for the one million species at risk of extinction in the next few years, while you are personally to blame for the thirty…
NDP: Voters shouldn’t strategically vote unless they’re strategically voting NDP instead of Green
OTTAWA – The NDP says the Liberal Party’s effort to encourage left-leaning voters to strategically vote against the Conservatives is wrong, unless they’re wasting their ballot on the Green …
Man waking from four-year coma excited to vote in proportional representation election
CALGARY – Joe Francis, who has spent the last four years of his life in a state of unconsciousness following a traumatic brain injury, woke up this week and is very enthusiastic about getti…
Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush bravely find common ground as rich white people
DALLAS, TX – Comedian and LGBTQ+ icon Ellen DeGeneres was seen with former President George W. Bush at a football game this past weekend. Following the backlash, DeGeneres responded by brav…
Trump cuts diplomatic ties with Germany after discovering they didn’t help U.S. in World War II either
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The international community was left reeling as the United States announced it was pulling its diplomatic mission out of Berlin after President Trump was informed that, l…
Health Canada warns that vaping fuckin’ sick
OTTAWA – Following several reports of vaping-related illnesses and deaths across North America, Health Canada has issued a strongly worded warning aimed at young people, informing them that…
5 great excuses for not voting in the Federal election, you piece of shit
OTTAWA – The Federal election is upon us, and projections show that the Millennial demographic wields considerable power to decide the future Prime Minister. You’re going to need a better excuse …
