Man wearing face shield upside down like a pope hat seems to think it’s doing something
Kingston, ON – A Queen’s Masters student who’s been spotted on multiple occasions maskless and wearing a face shield upside down like a cute little pope hat seems to think the incorrectly w…
Scientist invents time travel to mock people in 2016 who thought things were bad then
WATERLOO, ON – Quantum physicist Agnes Chevrier announced in a press conference today that not only has she invented time travel, but she had already achieved her purpose in inventing it, w…
Canada politely declines U.S. politicians’ request to kill thousands of our residents
OTTAWA – Despite wanting to maintain warm relations with the United States, Canadian officials today rejected the letter from Members of Congress asking that we reopen the border and kill t…
Washington Redskins to change name to Cleveland Indians
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following intense pressure from multiple groups and the public at large, the Washington Redskins have proudly announced that they will be officially changing their team name to …
Officer working at ninth police department in ten years probably just filled with wanderlust
Lawrence, KS — Though there are many possible reasons that Constable Dennis Bass has worked at nine different police departments over the last ten years, law enforcement experts agree that the mo…
Home gyms struggle to retain members after early-pandemic trial period ends
VANCOUVER – At-home gyms across the country are reporting a steep drop in membership after an initial spike during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic. “When the pandemic began rampin…
Airlines to start flying with the windows down to prevent spread of Covid
TORONTO – Several major airlines announced today that they would start flying their planes with the windows rolled down to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus. The earlier decision b…
Festivals on indefinite hold until deemed safe enough to have a 6’8’’ man block your view
GENEVA – Plans to allow music festivals to continue with their rescheduled dates have been put on indefinite hold by the World Health Organization until deemed safe enough to have a 6’8” ma…
Execs beg Tim Hortons CEO not to release Black Lives Matter specialty donut
TORONTO – Executives at Canada’s most beloved/least edible fast food chain Tim Hortons have been begging company CEO Daniel Schwartz not to release the planned specialty donut “honouring” t…
In push for racial unity, white woman volunteers to try jerk chicken
TORONTO – In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in an attempt to solve racial unrest once and for all, a local white woman volunteered to try jerk chicken for the very firs…
