Premier Kenney responds to spike in cases by expanding Alberta’s y-axis - The Beaverton

Premier Kenney responds to spike in cases by expanding Alberta’s y-axis

EDMONTON – Alberta Premier is taking bold steps at tackling the rapid spread of cases of in the province by expanding the y-axis on all statistical graphs.

“The Health Minister and I have ordered additional spaces for the dependent variable significantly reducing how scary the old graphs look,” said Kenney unveiling the new graph. “The way the cases have been presented have been, frankly, unfair and un-Albertan.”

The new 9,000 graph spaces will replace the  9,000 health care workers expected to be cut.

All of AHS’s epidemiological information will no longer illustrate mountain-sized daily increases, and, instead, show little bumps in the road for Alberta’s economic recovery.

The Premier feels that his swift response will adequately address the perception of cases and there is no need for lockdowns, mask requirements, or publicly funded health care.

“We have also corrected errors in our case counting, namely we’ve been counting every case,” added Kenney. “Some of these people haven’t even died yet, so is it really worth counting?”