Trailer for new Kevin James film confirms: Kevin fall down go boom

Trailers for Kevin James’ latest Netflix film “Bonk if You’re Horny” confirmed that this summer; big dumb toenail Kevin James fall down, much bang, head go boom. Directed by a shook up can of pil…

“I bike everywhere!” brags cyclist who can afford living downtown

TORONTO – Brian McFarlen, a local cyclist who can afford to live less than five minutes from the heart of downtown, has bragged about biking everywhere. “It’s a great way to get around whil…

Ally hospitalized for fatigue

VANCOUVER – Local ally Maggie Jenkins has been rushed to area hospital after suffering from a chronic case of allyship fatigue. “I don’t know what happened,” said Jenkins from her hospital …

Restaurants require female servers to wear skimpier face masks

TORONTO – Restaurants across the GTA are enforcing a new dress code on its female servers obliging them to wear face masks that are tighter and reveal more skin. The new “face thongs” revea…

Trudeau chides vandals for not politely asking statue to stop being monument to brutal racist

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau wanted those who toppled a statue of noted proponent of Indigenous genocide Sir John A. Macdonald to know he is deeply disappointed in them for not us…

Erin O’Toole nabs Canada’s coveted racist statue demographic

OTTAWA – This weekend the Conservative Party’s new leader made promising inroads with a key voter demographic: Canada’s tight-knit community of racist statues. “What happened to our brother…

Shrivelled up remnant of soap daring you to use it

News in Photos.…

Liberals commit $100 million to resupply toner for redacted documents

OTTAWA – Pledging to restart the office appliance economy, the federal government is investing in over $100 million in toner cartridges for its many redacted information requests. The gover…

Poll: 30% of Canadians support letting Alberta join U.S. “for the laughs”

TORONTO – As the Wexit movement pivots from independence towards joining the U.S., 30% of Canadians east of Saskatchewan say they are in favour of this, given how entertaining they expect i…

Single-ply toilet paper industry saved by school re-openings

WINNIPEG – After being dealt a blow by the pandemic-related closures of offices and public washrooms, single-ply toilet paper manufacturers are pinning their recovery to the re-opening of t…