“I am so excited!!!” screamed administrative assistant Jill Schneider, while downing her third cup of coffee at 8 a.m. “Between dealing with never-ending virtual staff meetings, boring webinars, and Google Meets with angry clients, I am just really tired. I get so much screen time that I feel like my eyes have been scratched out.”
“An hour-long session is just what I need to pivot, lean in, and level up so I can take on even more online tasks,” emphasized the 38 year-old through blood filled tears.
The Department of Health and Human Services sees this as a fantastic opportunity to make their employees believe they care about them, while avoiding any sincere efforts to make real improvements.
As Bob Thompson, HR Representative for the Department explained, “Sure, the odd employee can’t cope and collapses into the fetal position, but then we get to hire contract staff at a lower pay grade. It’s win-win.”
At press time, targeted sessions were being developed to meet Equity, Diversity and Inclusion objectives, including a session on how to frame valid concerns as less threatening and easier to ignore.