Trudeau ready to trigger election if cafeteria doesn’t have those delicious mozza sticks

OTTAWA – While waiting in line at the Parliamentary cafeteria, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said he’s willing to go to the polls if he doesn’t get his hands on some gooey mozza sticks with…

Guy wearing brown cape hopefully just quirky and not some weird new kind of white supremacist

OTTAWA – According to reports, a man spotted wearing a brown cape with a little hood is, dear God let’s hope, just really into Lord of the Rings or something and not wearing this as a kind of sig…

Pope Francis supports gay civil unions in an attempt to bring Catholicism into the ‘90s

VATICAN CITY – Speaking in a new documentary, Pope Francis has revealed his support for legal recognition of same-sex civil unions as part of his revolutionary plan to make the Roman Cathol…

Alberta removes education from curriculum

EDMONTON – After taking recommendations from hand-picked advisors, Premier Jason Kenney UCP government will be removing education from the province’s curriculum. Any form of learning will b…

Dad reporting daily COVID numbers to family with intensity of Wall Street day trader

TORONTO – For the past couple months, Mohamed Tekin has been diligently reporting daily COVID numbers to his family. However, within the last month, the father of three’s obsession with fol…

Toronto bar enforces occupancy limit by starting open mic night

TORONTO – With the current pandemic requiring businesses to restrict the number of people inside, the management of downtown bar McTavish’s Pub have determined the most natural way to…

Inspiring! These men aren’t voting for Trump and that’s really how low the bar is at this point

In these challenging times, it’s important to stop and notice people standing up for good and doing the right thing. That’s why we should be grateful that, on the eve of the election, hundreds of…

In honor of election Baskin-Robbins now offering only 2 flavors of shitty ice cream

WASHINGTON, DC – Ice cream chain Baskin-Robbins recently came out with 2 new flavors of shitty ice cream to honor the upcoming US election. The specialty restaurant chain, famously known fo…

Anti-mask protest unites Toronto’s ‘moron’ and ‘asshole’ communities

TORONTO – This weekend thousands gathered for an anti-mask protest in downtown Toronto which successfully combined the city’s notoriously exclusive ‘moron’ and ‘asshole’ constituencies. As …

Studies show monsters mashing earlier every year due to climate change

VICTORIA – After an exhaustive overview of decades of data including eyewitness accounts, the majority of monster experts have reached the conclusion that climate change has led to a signif…