OTTAWA – In the wake of the attempted storming of the US Capitol Building, Canadians are expressing relief that our many far-right, anti-democrat politicians are too bland to inspire an armed insurrection attempt on our Parliament.
“Objectively we have all the ingredients we need for a Trump style assault on democracy: alt right media sources spreading disinformation, angry conservatives sure that the people in charge are stealing something from them and numerous politicians uninterested in defending our core democratic values if it hurts their chances of obtaining power,” said political analyst Michael Gwillum. “Fortunately in our case those politicians can’t give a fiery rally speech that whips a crowd into a blood rage to save their lives.”
“So as long as that never changes, we should be good,” he added.
Experts point to the fact that instead of using their personal magnetism and popularity to create a massive following of devotees willing to do their bidding, our craven would-be dictators tend to live in their mom’s basement, falsify expense reports or pose for a Maclean’s cover in an ill-fitting suit.
“I’m not saying Canadians will never be taken in by a fascist fraudster who plays on our base impulses and darkest fears, I’m just saying they’ll be able to give a speech a hell of a lot better than Doug Ford can,” said Gwillum.
“Can you even imagine millions of people basing their whole identity around their love for Erin O’Toole?”
Experts say there is another element of Canadian political life that may prevent us from experiencing an attempted coup: the fact that if we did we wouldn’t be able to brag about being better than the U.S. anymore.