NASA announces the Moon will soon activate all the werewolves “just because it can”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American National Aeronautics and Space Administration held a press conference today to announce their discovery that the Moon will soon be forcing every lycanthrope …
Man slipping razor blades into Halloween candy feeling pretty lost this year
TORONTO – Local sicko Hugh Savarian, who’s been carefully sliding razor blades into candy for trick or treaters for the past 37 years of his life, has reported feelings of aimlessness…
Local woman’s fondest memory of 2020 is really gonna be that new Borat movie huh?
CALGARY – Despite her best efforts at self-improvement and professional development during the COVID-19 pandemic, it looks like, somehow, the peak of Florence Vega’s year will be her Monday…
Hunter Biden seen creeping around bushes of Fox News viewers
AMERICA – According to multiple reports from Fox News viewers around the United States, Hunter Biden has been creeping around the bushes of several American households, and in some cases go…
Headless Mitch McConnell says there’s nothing wrong with his health
WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there are no concerns about his health. “Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cav…
5 tips for better sleep that you can read on your bright phone at 2AM
Sleep is vital to good health but studies find that 1 in 4 Canadian adults don’t get their recommended nightly amount of Z’s. So we’ve created this easy-to-read guide of tips for better sle…
Representation win! This Hallmark movie will feature the whitest, straightest-looking gay couple
Hamilton, ON – In a landmark move towards representation and inclusion, the network behind beloved holiday movies that traditionally centre around heterosexual romances, will now feature th…
Robot’s parents very proud of her for finally passing CAPTCHA test
CALGARY – After years of trying to pass one of the ubiquitous CAPTCHA tests that are designed to be inscrutable to artificial intelligences, local humanoid robot LV82245, known to her frien…
Toronto police demand G20 victims accept apology and disperse
TORONTO – Speaking through a megaphone from behind a line of riot police, Toronto police chief James Ramer warned over 1000 people unjustly arrested and detained during the 2010 G-20 summit…
Trudeau ready to trigger election if cafeteria doesn’t have those delicious mozza sticks
OTTAWA – While waiting in line at the Parliamentary cafeteria, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said he’s willing to go to the polls if he doesn’t get his hands on some gooey mozza sticks with…
