Confused John Tory searches for videos that live in people’s heads rent free so he can evict them - The Beaverton

Confused John Tory searches for videos that live in people’s heads rent free so he can evict them

TORONTO – Mayor, lawyer, and new TikTok user is just learning about the trending topic of videos that “live in one’s head rent-free” but he’s taking action – Tory is hoping to search for these videos so he can evict them.

“I’m on TikTok!” said the mayor of Toronto when reached for comment, breathless from lipsyncing to a mashup of Bad Guy and Crank That. “They’re short talkies- er, videos for informative or comedic purposes, but now kids are using them to report on people who don’t pay rent so the men in charge can evict them. Pretty hip, huh?”

Reporters watched as Tory used two fingers to type out a web address for “AltaVista” before settling on Lycos.com. From there, he searched “the TikTok rent videos please” and eventually got frustrated and gave up.

Tory’s plan, a staffer explained, was to find the videos and immediately commence eviction proceedings. “Despite COVID-19, we need to be fair to each and every person. And landlords are people! In some ways, I would even consider them to be more important people than the renters,” Tory stated, distracted while watching a TikTok of a dog rapping a sea shanty. “You know, because landlords are wealthier.”

None of the videos found by Tory or his staff have led to an eviction or the explosion of Landlord TikTok yet, but Tory remains hopeful. “It’s important for politicians to stay in touch with the youth, “ he said, sipping a dalgona coffee in his Rogers Communications mug.

“Understanding what the next generation wants and serving them is the best part of my job.”