Fuckable Canadians exempted from new mask recommendation
OTTAWA – Canada’s chief public health officer officially recommended this week that non-sexy Canadians wear face masks when they are unable to maintain a two meter physical distance f…
Student that received CESB blows it all on single PDF textbook
ORILLIA, ON – Several days after receiving $1,250 from the Canada Emergency Student Benefit, Jackson Briggs was surprised to find that he had immediately spent the totality of the money on …
Condo developers seek help from Marginalized Community on where to gentrify next
VANCOUVER – In order to address the ongoing housing crisis, condo developers have reached out to marginalized communities in search of the next neighbourhood to gentrify. “We owe the …
5 great excuses not to hang out when you’re free all the time now and they know it
So you used to have a million excuses to get out of hanging out with your friends. But now that literally every single one of your plans are gone, and the whole planet is under house arrest, ever…
Family finally decapitates Minotaur inhabiting living room pillowfort
NELSON, B.C – All eyes were on the Galifinakis residence last Friday night as the family emerged triumphantly from their home with the severed head of the Minotaur that had been dwelling wi…
Air Canada CEO claims company is too busy firing employees to refund passengers
MONTREAL – Faced with mounting calls for the company to issue refunds to passengers whose travel was cancelled due to COVID-19 instead of just travel vouchers, Air Canada CEO Calin Rovinesc…
Awkward pause on Zoom call enters third day
VANCOUVER — Tensions are high among the management team of eGrow Marketing as an awkward pause in their Zoom meeting enters its third day. The pause began about 30 minutes into what was supposed …
It’s time to end the shutdown because infection numbers are stabilizing and I don’t understand the concept of cause and effect BY: CONRAD BLACK
The last few months have been tough on Canadians, who have been forced to endure strict lockdown measures, ostensibly to curb the spread of a deadly coronavirus. But with infection numbers stabil…
Introvert fine
HAMILTON – As COVID-19 self-isolation has taken a huge psychological toll on much of the population, local introvert Sangeeta Varma is reportedly kind of okay to be honest. Thanks to social dista…
Ford Government promises to discuss visiting family members once guidelines established for butlers, sommeliers
QUEEN’S PARK — Today Premier Ford announced his government will begin developing guidelines for when Ontarians can visit their families again, just as soon as they finish establishing rules…
