Trudeau announces new vaccine advent calendar

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced today that Canada will soon receive its first batch of COVID vaccinations, which will be distributed to Canadians using Health Canada’s new …

Wall Street to trade water, also mentions human body 60% water for no particular reason

NEW YORK – Representatives for the NYSE have announced that water futures will enter commodities trading on the stock market, before cryptically adding that human bodies are composed of mor…

Mountain Dew celebrates true meaning of Christmas with Dewtivity Scene

CALGARY – Mountain Dew has unveiled a partnership with Safeway that places sponsored Dewtivity Scenes™ in grocery stores across the country.  “The increasing commercialization of Christmas makes …

Girlfriend’s cat watching you pee again

Hamilton, ON – Late Friday night, your girlfriend’s cat, Cheddar, watched you relieve yourself again in your girlfriend’s en-suite bathroom, and frankly, you’ve had enough. “It doesn’t look…

Canadians warned to shelter at home unless your job makes money for someone richer

OTTAWA – Health Canada is warning all Canadians to avoid COVID by staying at home, with the exception of those whose jobs create wealth for those with exponentially more money than them, in…

Snowbirds looking to be evacuated from more exotic location this time

TORONTO – Months after being rescued from a stranded cruise by the Canadian government, snowbirds Adriel and Harold Glatterbee are looking to be plucked from the deadly grip of the coronavi…

Legault moves to ban any holiday gathering that is overt or conspicuous

The Parti Quebecois’ latest policy came in the form of a proposed ‘moral contract’ that would loosen restrictions in order to allow Quebeckers to gather for any and all religious holidays t…

Conservative Party slams Trudeau for not doing enough to combat anti-vaxxers in Conservative Party

OTTAWA – Conservative Party Leader Erin O’Toole is blasting Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for failing to stand up to Conservative MP and former leadership candidate Derek Sloan and his anti…

“For Christmas this year I just want you to stay safe,” says mom who wants PlayStation 5

RED DEER – Sarah Jessup urged her three adult children to just hunker down and stay safe this Christmas, while also hoping someone would go out and get her a PlayStation 5 anyway. “The greatest g…

Crave clarifies that just because you pay for HBO+Movies doesn’t mean you get to see Movies that premiere on HBO

TORONTO – With Warner Brothers announcing this week that their slate of big 2021 releases; including Dune, Matrix, Suicide Squad 2, and Godzilla Vs Kong will be streaming on HBO Max in the …