OTTAWA – In a controversial decision, the Canadian Plants Council has reclassified beans, from Magical Fruit to common legume. “We all know the saying,” said Monica Lee, the President of the Cou...
Cupcake made to look like tiny football tastes like ass
ST. CATHARINES, ON – 6 year old Caylen Phillips, who has an obsession with football, received cupcakes at his recent birthday party which were shaped and designed to look like tiny footballs. Ho...
Man who “loves reading” actually just likes falling asleep while holding a book
Minden Hills, ON – Local man Jacob Hall claims to love reading, but actually just loves falling asleep with a book on his chest. “Whether it’s sci-fi, fantasy or non-fiction, I just ...
Feminism Win! This Sex Doll has a mouth
In a man’s world, it can be hard to find a win :(. But this #feminist just got a little cheerier because see this sex doll right here? This silicone woman-shaped 46-14-36 vessel for Dick Dannon? Well ...
Quiz: Can you remember these Canadian historical figures even though we took down their statues?
We all know that if we take down a statue of someone, they are immediately erased from all history textbooks and their actions lost to the sands of time. But can you, somehow, remember these important...
My editor asked me to write an article about the Kim’s Convenience debacle despite never having seen the show by Gary Lim
BY THE BEAVERTON’S GARY LIM Okay, full disclosure, I’ve never actually watched Kim’s Convenience. But when I asked my editor if I could pass this article assignment on to another wri...
Ontario to allow non-recreational camping trips
QUEEN’S PARK – As part of the province’s reopening plan, the Ontario government announced last week that Ontarians will be allowed to go camping this summer, as long as the trips are...
Natural deodorant deemed a waste of nature
TOFINO, BC – After trying multiple brands and formulations of natural deodorant, it’s been decided that natural deodorant is absolutely a waste of nature. Our planet deserves better than to have...
Neighbour’s little library features little creep at little computer printing off little images of Shakira
SUMMERSIDE, PEI – In an attempt to scale down the modern library experience, a local front-yard little library installed a little computer which was quickly used by a little creep to print off l...
5 ways to explain the Habs’ success without admitting they’re a good team
With the Montreal Canadiens having won the North Division, Canadian hockey fans outside Quebec are faced with a dilemma: how can we explain the fact that the Habs did so much better than our teams wit...
