Oh no! I learned my attachment style and it’s Clippy from Microsoft Word
I had been struggling with relationships for a while. No matter how hard I’ve tried or how detached I’ve tried to be, those I’ve loved have left me or I’ve pushed them away. That’s when someone c…
Opinion: How do we know for certain that the yellow snow isn’t lemonade?
BY CAMERON BUCKET Hear me out: I was strolling through the park, on one of my daily walks, when I passed a snow bank covered in yellow stains. Common sense told me not to eat the yellow snow. But…
Canada approves another vaccine that you won’t get for like six months
OTTAWA – The Canadian government is pleased to announce that Health Canada has approved AstraZeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine, yet another vaccine that most Canadians won’t have access…
Party that promised to institute Pharmacare votes against Bill to institute Pharmacare because it would too quickly institute Pharmacare
OTTAWA – The Liberal Party, which campaigned on instituting a national Pharmacare program, recently rejected attempts by the NDP to institute a national Pharmacare program, on the grounds t…
Gay teen moves to Toronto, must once again live in closet
TORONTO – A gay teen who recently moved to Toronto has been dismayed to learn that she will once again be living in a closet – this time, literally. Piper Porter, 18, originally moved to the big …
Unable to find a single officer not under investigation, Canadian military now under command of local Girl Guide
OTTAWA – Following the revelation that defence chief Admiral Art McDonald has stepped down due to an investigation into a sexual misconduct allegation just weeks after defence chief Gen. Jo…
Nation’s lonesome travellers sick of telling wayward dogs to “g’on now, get”
BOXCAR JUNCTION – In a rare break from nomadic life, the nation’s lonesome travellers assembled today inside a moving freight car they all hopped into, to declare they are sick of telling w…
Long-term care facilities to drop “long” and “care” from name
BARRIE, ON – In the wake of soaring COVID-19 deaths of patients of long-term care facilities, industry leaders have announced they will remove the words “long” and “care” in order to clear …
Erin O’Toole promises that Conservatives will always occupy the political centre of the far right
OTTAWA – With more Conservative MPs appearing to embrace right-wing conspiracy theories, Leader of the Opposition Erin O’Toole is assuring all Canadians that the Conservative Party of…
Local woman feels like she’s the only person taking pandemic seriously, is right, this has been a huge prank on you Jenny
Hamilton, ON – Jenny Reid, an executive assistant who’s been quarantining in her studio apartment due to Covid-19 since March 2020 feels like she’s the only person taking the pandemic serio…
