Chelsea, QC – In accordance with Québec’s Bill 21 law enforcing the secular nature of the province, an elementary school teacher who wears a hijab has been removed from her classroom right befor...
Ford: when I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I specifically meant my daughter Krista
TORONTO – Walking back his comments from several months ago that young Ontarians are responsible for rising COVID case counts, Premier Doug Ford clarified that it’s not all young people in...
Local woman not soccer mom, just mean
ETOBICOKE, ON – Neighbours and co-workers were shocked this week to learn that 36-year-old Rhonda Bartlie is not actually a dedicated soccer mom – she just drives a minivan and is rude. “T...
Military official charged with sexual assault – no not the same one as yesterday, a new one
OTTAWA – The Canadian Armed Forces’ former head of human resources, Vice-Admiral Hayden Edmundson, has been charged with sexual assault this week in news you’re sure you heard already even thoug...
Diplomats who spent 4 years training for Beijing Olympics furious over boycott
OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long training fo...
New retirement plan will simply vaporize millennials when they turn 65
TORONTO- To combat the rapidly shrinking amount of jobs that have pensions, alongside wage stagnation and high housing costs that make retirement saving impossible for the majority of young workers, t...
VPD: If you don’t want to interact with our unvaccinated officers, you can simply flee from all police
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver Police Department is assuring Vancouverites worried about interacting with unvaccinated cops that they always have the option of running away from the police instead. “...
Theatre-of-the-mind to be demolished for condominium-of-the-mind
THE HUMAN PSYCHE – Despite numerous fundraisers and letter-writing campaigns held to try and save it, the longstanding theatre-of-the-mind, popularly known as the imagination, is set to close next wee...
Heroic! This ally promises that the onslaught of transphobia will blow over in a decade or so
In a move that is being referred to as “heroic,” “inspiring,” and “well-intended,” cisgender ally Nicholas Carter reassured trans people today that if they just hang in there for another ten years, bl...
Nova Scotian mall insists giant tree will only eat “3 to 4 kids, max” this Christmas
DARTMOUTH, NS – With international media picking up the story of “the creepiest Christmas tree of 2021”, administrators at Mic Mac Mall have assured shoppers that Woody will consume no more than...
