Heroic! This ally promises that the onslaught of transphobia will blow over in a decade or so - The Beaverton

Heroic! This ally promises that the onslaught of transphobia will blow over in a decade or so

In a move that is being referred to as “heroic,” “inspiring,” and “well-intended,” cisgender ally Nicholas Carter reassured trans people today that if they just hang in there for another ten years, blatant transphobia will probably, maybe, fall out of fashion.

“I know it looks bad now, but if you manage to beat back your crippling depression for perhaps a dozen years, give or take, you’ll see that people will overwhelmingly come to not actively resist your existence. After all, that’s what happened with LGB people,” Carter announced, attempting to look casual as he muted a news broadcast about yet another homophobic murder in Spain.

According to Carter, liberal newspapers like the BBC, the Guardian, and the Toronto Star may provide a respectable platform for TERFs, but at least they’re talking about the issue.

“Yes, they let transphobes have the last word, but that means trans people get the first word. Or a word buried in the middle. Or in a petition after the fact.” He compared it to when they used to present both sides of the climate debate as if they were equal, clarifying that the similarity is that it will eventually stop, and not that it will stop only after it has done major and lasting damage to society’s most vulnerable.

Carter acknowledged that it must be difficult to endure the unfeeling, unprovoked, and unrelenting attacks from politicians, religious officials, reporters, comedians, doctors, judges, lawyers, police officers, teachers, fellow students, school board members, business owners, authors, athletes, coaches, athletic committees, political action groups, employers, coworkers, family members, and random strangers on social media. “But hey, at least you have aging punk bands on your side, not to mention yours truly!”

“Things will get better. All trans people need to do is avoid death by hate crimes, medical malpractice, or the slowly deepening conviction that death is the only refuge. It’ll just be for one decade, or maybe two at the outside, then it’s clear sailing!”

Trans people confirmed that Carter’s comments were just what they needed right now. “What a relief to hear that! And in the meantime, I’m sure that the regressive laws being proposed or passed in all the red states, Ghana, Hungary, Poland, the UK, Sweden, and Quebec will definitely have no effect on anyone whatsoever,” exclaimed Ally Fairfax, an eighth-grade trans girl from Texas whose voice will undergo its first irreversible crack any day now. 

In related news, the international climate change response is being hailed as a landmark for human rights, as our species’ impending extinction remains the world’s most effective weapon against discrimination.