Page 252 – The Beaverton

Heartwarming: this TTC ad shows 100 years worth of TTC delays

TORONTO – The TTC have launched a nostalgic campaign in Toronto to celebrate their centennial year by featuring 100 years worth of TTC delays. “Having carried more than 31 billion customers, the...

Vaccine passport wasted on Mr. Sub

WATERLOO — In what many are calling a “total waste,” 31-year-old Aaron Berger was seen using his recently-acquired vaccine passport to dine in at a Mr. Sub franchise Tuesday afternoon. “It’s not...

Doug Ford’s Ontario revealed to be alternate universe shown to suicidal man by Christmas angel

QUEEN’S PARK – Reports indicate that dire circumstances throughout Doug Ford’s Ontario are actually due to it being a fantastical alternate reality, created by a Christmas angel in order to teac...

Due to supply chain issues, local woman runs out of fucks to give

WINNIPEG – Due to ongoing supply chain issues across the country, a local woman has completely run out of fucks to give. Alexis Jenkins, 29, has historically given excessive fucks, otherwise known as ...

Movie Review: Is seeing The Matrix Resurrections worth contracting Omicron? We don’t know, none of us were willing to find out

NOTE: This review contains spoilers for The Matrix Resurrections trailers but not the movie, since no one at the Beaverton has seen it because have you read the most recent COVID numbers? Jesus. “What...