Anti-vax protestors throw rocks at Trudeau due to not having entered Bronze Age yet

LONDON, ON – During an election campaign stop Prime Minister Justin Trudeau faced anti-vaccine protestors who hurled rocks, namely because they lack the intelligence and evolutionary capabi…

Disney adult admits she would definitely fuck Goofy if given the chance

OSHAWA, ON – Kacey Corbett, a 33-year-old mother of two, recently admitted to a group of her peers, as well as to her family, she would fuck the Disney character Goofy if given the opportun…

Fully vaccinated Albertans offer Jason Kenney $100 to move back to Ontario, never return

EDMONTON – Fully vaccinated Albertans have offered Premier Jason Kenney $100 if he immediately flies back to his native province and never returns. “We are offering Mr. Kenney a reward for …

Erin O’Toole breaks with platform by running for the Liberals

VANCOUVER – In another sudden platform shift, Conservative Party leader Erin O’Toole announced he will run under the Liberal Party banner. O’Toole made the announcement after re…

Scientists give up on artificial intelligence, begin work on artificial stupidity

Cambridge, Massachusetts ― A team of engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology unveiled the world’s first artificial stupidity prototype yesterday. They have dubbed their project the…

Sound of three-ring binder snapping shut awakens primal fear in man

ABBOTSFORD, BC — Father-of-two Allen Marks was caught off-guard when he found himself suddenly gripped by white-knuckled horror while taking his children, Angie and Michelle, back-to-school shopp…

Highlights of the Liberals’ election platform

The Liberal Party released their election platform this week. Unfortunately no part of the 82-page document explained why they didn’t just do all of this instead of calling an election. But…

Conspiracy confirmed: doctors made “vaccine deal” with government in order to save your life

OTTAWA – A conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in or…

Justin Trudeau forces Edmonton Oilers to change name to Edmonton Wind Turbines

EDMONTON – In an effort to combat climate change, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has forced the Edmonton NHL team to change its name from the Oilers to the Wind Turbines. “This is the centra…

Liberals announce election platform of things they could have easily done before now

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the Liberal Party have unveiled their 2021 election platform, full of commitments and spending promises they could have easily fulfilled at any ti…