“My fucking back!” reports nation

OTTAWA – Reports from homes across the nation have indicated that they’ve hurt their back shovelling snow once again. “God dammit, my fucking back,” said Keith, David, Ste…

5 living room workouts that look like you’re laying on a yoga mat eating chips but you’re not

Hey there, hot stuff! With gyms being closed, it’s important to stay active at home! Turn that shambles-of-a-living-room (aka office/school/room where you regularly cry), into a fab fitness space…

Local dad shovelling snow for hours clearly avoiding family

NORTH BATTLEFORD, SK – Local dad Todd Wolverton has been outside shovelling snow for an unnaturally long time, and experts suggest it may be that he is avoiding his family. “I think he’s be…

Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes

Do you feel like you have Omicron, even though you have three vaccinations, no symptoms, and haven’t stepped outside your foyer barricade since 2020? Don’t be ridiculous, you definitely have it. …

Breaking: Ontario teachers intentionally strand themselves in snowbanks for chance to actually speak with Doug Ford

ETOBICOKE — After reports surfaced that Doug Ford was spending Toronto’s first major blizzard of the year driving around helping drivers stranded by snow in his district, school teachers fr…

Virtual schooling during snow day crashes Ontario’s ‘12 year olds shovelling your driveway for 10 bucks’ economy

TORONTO – The announcement that schools closed due to snow would still require students to attend via remote learning has thrown Ontario’s vital ’12 year olds ringing the doorbe…

Toronto unreal estate agent sells house for 5 kajillion dollars

TORONTO – On another great day for the local imaginary housing market, non-realtor Wendy Phan has sold a lovely 2 and a half story house for 3 kajillion dollars over the asking price. The p…

Which dating app should you go crawling back to during Omicron?

Remember how last year, you were so sure you were done with the toxicity of online dating and said you would put an honest to God effort into meeting someone in person this year instead of just t…

I know there’s a lot going on right now but would you mind watching this Kony2012 video super quick

Hey fellow members of the social media universe! I’m coming atcha with a really important message that none of us can risk ignoring. And while I know there’s a lot of wild happenings competing fo…

Man who just took bite out of scalding hot pizza going to ride this thing out until the bitter end

FREDERICTON – Recent reports have now confirmed that Tony Freedman, a local man who took an initial bite of incredibly hot pizza moments ago, plans to just keep that bite in his mouth until it’s …