Sperm banks unfreeze man’s assets
OTTAWA – In response to an ongoing criminal case, Canadian sperm banks have unfrozen accused criminal Charles Grieg’s significant portfolio of assets. Grieg, 47, is facing numerous fraud charges…
“100,000 cases a day totally worth this,” thinks man walking maskless into KFC
Oshawa, ON – Local man Dalton Framer took time to savour the fact that he was finally allowed to walk into a crowded KFC without a mask, regardless of the fact that Ontario is currently fac…
Calgary Police pause order to remove ‘thin blue line’ patch after realizing cops can’t follow simple instructions
CALGARY – The Calgary Police Service has paused an order from the Calgary Police Commission requiring all Calgary cops to remove the ‘thin blue line’ patches from their uniforms after large…
Highlights of the Liberal’s 2022 budget
Amidst a war in Ukraine, high cost of living and the return of Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim, Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland has tabled the second budget of her tenure. Let’s take a look …
Canada to ban foreign homebuyers who refuse to set up dummy corporations
OTTAWA – The Federal Government has announced sweeping plans to ban the purchase of Canadian homes by any foreign buyers who don’t feel like bothering to set up a routine dummy corporation.…
Inspiring!! Man finally takes 45 seconds to unsubscribe from a 10 year old mailing list
“I did it!!, I finally did it!!” exclaimed local man Chimothee Talamet, as he finally took 45 seconds out of his day of a cushy white collar job and playing video games to unsubscribe from his co…
Vanilla yogurt holds slight lead in Conservative leadership opinion polls
OTTAWA – A rather bland Conservative leadership candidate has gained a slight lead in opinion polls, according to the latest survey data. Leger polling suggests a tub of vanilla yogurt is enjoyin…
Urban obstacle course installed for men to jump high and touch stuff
TORONTO – City officials cut the ribbon on the Parks Department’s most recent project this weekend; an urban obstacle course where men can jump real high and touch stuff. The course resemb…
Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Pierre Poilievre
Background: Poilievre was born wearing a suit, glasses and a sneer. He immediately used his first words to tell the doctor who delivered him everything she had done wrong. He subsequently studied…
New law forbids tourists from leaving Montreal until they eat a poutine
MONTREAL – Montreal Mayor Valerie Plante announced a new measure where tourists will no longer be allowed to leave the city limits unless they have eaten one of the city’s signature dishes,…
