City of Nanaimo desperate to be known by something other than bar
NANAIMO, BC — The City of Nanaimo admitted today that despite being the place where its near 100,000 residents call their home, live their lives, and dream their dreams, those accomplishments pal…
Canadian Ridesharers turn to Grass, Ass in wake of gas price hikes
GUELPH, ON – The latest Census Canada polling numbers show the majority of Canadian ridesharers are turning to more traditional payment methods like grass and ass in response to the recent …
Doug Ford to self-quarantine following exposure to journalist question
QUEEN’S PARK – Doug Ford’s office says the premier will suspend his campaign activities to self-isolate at home following accidental exposure to a journalist’s question. “The scariest part …
Uvalde police promise that with more funding they will be able to wait even longer in parking lots
UVALDE, TX – Following revelations that police in Uvalde, Texas waited up to an hour in a parking lot outside Robb Elementary before attempting to stop the shooter inside, police department…
Escape room owners trapped by own business decisions
VANCOUVER – Business owners Diane Blatford and Tom Slodder are reportedly feeling trapped by their decision to open an escape room. The duo opened No Way Out in March 2020, shortly before strict …
Pearson International security lines backed up to Billy Bishop Airport
TORONTO – Officials at Pearson International Airport confirm that extensive delays have resulted in a 26.7-kilometres-long lineup for security, stretching all the way into the lobby of the …
“I don’t know anything about the other candidates” is both worst and best reason to vote for Ford
Halton Hills, ON ― Political analysts have determined that your grandfather’s rationale for voting Conservative in June of “I haven’t heard anything about this Del Duca guy” is complete bullshit,…
Countries outside U.S. mark another day without action movies, violent video games or mental illness
LONDON – The countries of the world (except America) enjoyed another day without a mass shooting, a fact entirely attributable to the reality that nowhere but the U.S.A. do people watch act…
Touch typing nears irrelevancy as speech-to-text technology proves flawless—new paragraph
Speech-to-text (STT) programs have made great strides in recent years, to the extent of making touch typing irrelevant. STT has vast applications for many demographics comma from university stude…
Republicans relieved no fetuses killed in Texas school shooting
Uvalde, TX – A wave of relief washed over the Republican party today as they learned no fetuses were harmed in yesterday’s shootings at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. “Thank God,”…
