Damp-hand fetishist introduces himself to people coming out of public restrooms
WINNIPEG — Martin Melnyk reportedly spent Saturday at The Forks, a popular local mall, introducing himself to people emerging from the washrooms, hoping to find someone willing to shake his hand.…
Sounds like roommate’s pretty bad at sex
EDMONTON – According to sources in Stacey Greene’s two-bedroom apartment, her roommate’s latest attempt at sex is not going well. “Taylor and their date disappeared into their room about 20 minu…
Toddler cannot fucking believe mom is here
FREDERICTON, NB – During a recent family gathering reports have emerged that 19-month-old Rodney McPhee has absolutely lost his mind with excitement upon noticing that his mother, Ainsley M…
Buffoonery anticipated as man laden with food and drink attempts to enter hammock
CALGARY – Local bumbler Kevin Hurst is planning to enter his hammock with a variety of easily spilled snacks and beverages, prompting onlookers and analysts to anticipate a series of zany hijinks…
Editorial: This is my very bad, not thought out opinion and if you get even a little mad at me I’ll freak the fuck out
By: Liza Garr To all of you fortunate readers who have the honour of reading my words, welcome to the editorial section. This is a space where I feel comfortable to share my malformed and hastily…
Alex Jones claims he’s being played by a crisis actor
AUSTIN, TX – Infowars founder Alex Jones has entered his defense in the $150 million lawsuit filed against him by Sandy Hook parents, claiming he’s never heard of Infowars and is, in fact,…
Millennial in six-figure debt for education dreams of someday being in six-figure debt for house
HAMILTON – Local 31-year-old Madison Clair, a newly licensed veterinarian who currently owes a combined total of $118,846 in federal and provincial student loans, reports that her greatest …
“Poilievre is too extreme to win a general election,” says man who also said that about Harper, Ford, Trump and the other Ford
Langley, BC – Local man Eric Anderson is confident that, even if he becomes Conservative leader, Pierre Poilievre’s extreme right-wing positions will make him totally unelectable, des…
‘Never Have I Ever’ Toronto ad features couple who have never been renovicted
TORONTO – The team behind the ubiquitous ‘Never Have I Ever’ spots showcasing Toronto residents who have never participated in well-known Toronto experiences like going to the R…
Grocery store that fixed price of bread denies fixing price of everything else
BRAMPTON, ON – In response to accusations of hiking food prices higher than the rate of inflation resulting in record profits, grocery giant Loblaws, which previously admitted to fixing the…
