TORONTO – With a new season of NHL underway, media conglomerate Rogers Communications and the League have reminded everyone to purchase an app that will showcase exciting regional blackouts…
Sports
No one at Blue Jays game wants to be there
TORONTO – After arriving at the Rogers Centre for yet another grinder of a baseball game, sources report that literally no one attending the Blue Jays game today- including players, staff,…
Heartwarming: City of Calgary donates $275M to local billionaire
CALGARY – In the midst of an economic downturn that has negatively affected many Calgarians, the City of Calgary has decided to open its heart, and its wallet, with a pledge to spend $275 m…
ESPN returns to ignoring Canada’s existence
BRISTOL, CT – After the departure of NBA Champion and former Toronto Raptor Kawhi Leonard to the LA Clippers, ESPN has resumed the assumption that Canada is a mythical, non-existent land wh…
Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry
TORONTO — With Rogers Sportsnet announcing that it has terminated Don Cherry’s Hockey Night In Canada contract following his recent on-air comments about immigrants, interest in the job has…
Kawhi Leonard issues restraining order on 37 million Canadians
TORONTO – Claiming he is being stalked, NBA Champion Kawhi Leonard has placed a restraining order on the entire country including members of the media, fans, and gawkers. The order requires…
Raptors sweeten offer to Kawhi Leonard with 500 MB of data on Canadian cell phone plan
TORONTO – Early reports indicate that the Toronto Raptors have offered free agent Kawhi Leonard 500 MB on his Canadian cell phone plan if he signs with the team for another season. “We’re w…
Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished
MONTREAL — In an attempt to entice an offer for the Montreal Alouettes, of which the Canadian Football League has recently taken ownership and has been struggling to find a potential buyer,…
World in shock after better team wins
TORONTO – In the days after the Toronto Raptors defeated Golden State to win their first NBA championship, sports analysts and fans expressed their disbelief that the Warriors could ever fa…
