TORONTO – A recent Freedom of Information request has revealed Ontario Premier Doug Ford has attempted to obtain a neuralyzer like the one featured in the Men in Black film series. Accordin…
Ontario
Doug Ford to privatize birds
TORONTO — This week, Premier Doug Ford announced a bold plan to privatize birds in the province of Ontario. “We’ve been wasting money on public birds for too long,” said Ford. “We simply ca…
New VQA Ontario labelling requires $1,000 donation to Ontario PCs to verify authentic corruption
PELEE ISLAND, ON – In accordance with the new rules mandated by the provincial government, Ontario’s wines will now be required to make a $1,000 donation to the Ontario PC Party to receive …
Simu Liu breaks barriers as first Mississaugan superhero
SAN DIEGO — Marvel Studios has announced that Chinese-Canadian actor Simu Liu, of Kim’s Convenience, will play the lead in their upcoming film Shang Chi, making this their first film to fea…
Ontario Minister Lisa MacLeod apologizes to Senators owner for outburst after mistaking him for parent of child with autism
OTTAWA – Ontario Minister of Tourism, Culture, and Sport Lisa MacLeod has apologized to Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk for mistaking him for any parent of a child with autism. “I apolo…
Ford claims carbon tax recklessly rear-ended him in latest legal attempt
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford appeared at an Ontario Superior Court with his injury lawyer claiming he was involved in a motor vehicle collision last night with the carbon tax, and announced …
Doug Ford hires only the best family and friends to get to the bottom of nepotism claims
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has announced that he will review claims of nepotism by his government along with a crack team of friends and family members. Ford explained that the public can …
Doug Ford to spend 5 month vacation criticizing teachers for their 3 month vacation
MUSKOKA, ON — After shuffling his cabinet and adjourning the provincial legislature, premier Doug Ford announced plans to spend his 5 month break criticizing the 3 month summer break that O…
Corner store clerks have busy weekend issuing lifetime bans to disruptive customers
TORONTO – Clerks at corner stores across the province were kept busy last weekend kicking out elected officials performing staged photos in front of empty shelves and issuing them lifetime …
Ford announces cut to planned cuts, maintains future cuts will not be cut
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that the retroactive cuts he had previously announced to municipal budgets have been cut, but that the future cuts are uncut. “We have cut …
