CALGARY – Local restaurant hostess and former beauty queen Sonia Norris is desperate for a man to tell her about Bitcoin, and can’t fathom why none of them will. “Nothing turns me on …
Money
Amid rising gas prices, Flintstone cars top sales
OTTAWA, ON — Flinstone cars, officially known as Cavemobiles, top car sales in Canada amid rising gas prices as Canadians try to cut costs wherever they can. With gas prices well above 170 cents/…
“Uh, that’s also how they’re supposed to work” says techbro as NFT market drops 92%
SILICON VALLEY – Amid reports that NFT sales have plummeted 92% since September, the techbro who has struggled to explain what NFTs even are is also assuring you that “the drop is also defi…
BREAKING: This man can explain why he invested in NFTs but not what an NFT is
TORONTO – Scientists in Toronto have made a startling discovery this week: local man Josh Clybourne is able to justify at length why he invested in NFTs, but seems physically incapable of d…
Efficient new edition of TurboTax just asks how much fraud you’re comfortable with
OTTAWA – Sources have learned that this year’s standard edition of TurboTax skips right to the point by asking “So, how much you wanna try pulling over on the feds?” when the program is launched.…
Poilievre counters “obnoxious nerd” image by revealing he’s into bitcoin
OTTAWA – In order to combat his well-known public image as an “insufferable know-it-all geek”, Conservative leadership hopeful Pierre Poilievre has revealed that he is also very into crypto…
Heartwarming: This man reconnected with his mom so he could ask her to do his taxes
GUELPH, ON – Though tax season can bring bad news to some, for the Dubois family it brought a touching reunion between a mother and son. After months of silence between them, Julian Dubois …
Local media outlet running out of privileged people who’ve made the most of COVID to interview
YOUR TOWN ― After featuring dozens of stories about those who moved to their cottage, started a lucrative TikTok channel, or otherwise benefited from a deadly disease, your local newspaper is dea…
Family of NFT enthusiast just wish he’d go back to cult
VANCOUVER – Family members of Adam Newsom, 27, have reportedly become nostalgic for the days when all he talked about was his cult, as opposed to his current obsession of NFTs. “I remember …
Rain streaming off mansions onto millennials’ heads cited as proof trickle-down effect works
TORONTO, ON ― Multi-property owners, real-estate agents, and proponents of supply-side economics are praising the GTA housing market’s trickle-down success, whereby any water not filling their in…
