SUDBURY – The latest edition of Melissa Henderson’s yearly holiday newsletter is being slammed by numerous media watchdog groups for unfair reporting. The handwritten bulletin which summari…
Local
Due to supply chain issues, local woman runs out of fucks to give
WINNIPEG – Due to ongoing supply chain issues across the country, a local woman has completely run out of fucks to give. Alexis Jenkins, 29, has historically given excessive fucks, otherwise know…
Lovable weirdo downgraded to just weirdo
KITCHENER, ON – Well, it’s official: Wade Thomas has been downgraded from the status of Lovable Weirdo to just plain Weirdo, sources say. The 32-year-old Kitchener man loves lizards, potato…
“Husky” boy knows exactly what that word means, thank you very much
SUDBURY, ON – Corey Ashford, a local 13 year-old-boy commonly referred to by friends and family as “husky”, has announced that he understands perfectly well what that word really means and does n…
Local woman not soccer mom, just mean
ETOBICOKE, ON – Neighbours and co-workers were shocked this week to learn that 36-year-old Rhonda Bartlie is not actually a dedicated soccer mom – she just drives a minivan and is rud…
Woman starts new life in woods after spelling “recommend” wrong 3 times in a row
MONCTON – Michelle Javernick, nurse and mother of two, walked straight into the lush New Brunswick wilderness this week to restart her life after unsuccessfully attempting to spell “recomme…
Woman who stopped using self-deprecating humor not really funny anymore
VANCOUVER- Authorities and loved ones of local woman Ashley Calpeski became concerned last week when she stopped saying self-deprecating things about herself and started being no fun. “Ashley is…
Grocery bag really excited to become garbage bag
OTTAWA – A report coming from the nation’s bathrooms and under the kitchen sinks have found that your plastic grocery bag is really excited to be used as a garbage bag. “Mih Yinkd hah…
Dad does dad thing
A CANADIAN SUBURB – Multiple sources are reporting that John Jackson, a local father of three, is going to spend the day performing an activity associated with his status as a dad. “I can’t wait …
Single drop of sweat falls down local dad’s face as he tells daycare worker his child doesn’t have runny nose
TORONTO – As local father Jalen Hart told the worker asking COVID checklist questions at the front entrance of the Little Tot’s Playhouse daycare that his child Marcus did not have a …