CANADA – Young men across the nation have confirmed that they will be spending this Friday night – and each Friday night for the foreseeable future – shouting, yelling, or simpl…
Local
Virgin tree excited to finally bust pollen load
WELLINGTON, ON – With the approach of warmer weather, a local virgin sugar maple is reportedly excited to finally “go all the way” and release his load of pollen that has been building up i…
Twenty-nine-year-old woman found tragically thirty in her home
TORONTO – A community is grieving today after a local 29-year-old was discovered tragically thirty in her bedroom this morning. Witnesses say she felt little pain. “She was resigned to it a…
Climactic showdown ruins another night shift at local steel mill
Sudbury, ON – Yet another work shift at a local steel mill was ruined this evening, as local protagonist Dr. Rick Powers had his final face off against sworn rival and disgraced former Lieu…
Millions of healthy gut bacteria vote to unionize
NAPANEE, ON – Millions of microbes assembled in the descending colon of Curtis Lawrence to vote to officially unionize their collective as Gastrointestinal Tract Workers Local 298. “We reco…
Good news! That friend you don’t want to hang out with anymore just shared a Rebel Media article
WINNIPEG – Finally some good news for a change! Jason, that guy from university who you are tired of “grabbing a beer” with once every six months just posted an article from alt-right hate …
Breaking: Yes you did forget to lock your front door, idiot
SIX BLOCKS FROM YOUR PLACE – Reports are confirming that the nagging feeling that you left your door unlocked is 100% correct and that people will soon be robbing the place blind you moron. “But …
Man outraged by closure of local business he never visited
CALGARY – A local man was angered and saddened to hear that another local business he never once set foot in was closing its doors forever. A disappointed Aaron Morales says that Martha’s G…
Local man working ass off to shoehorn one of his 3 memes into internet argument
BRANDON, MB – An online argument about the existence of the gender wage gap reportedly has one of the participants, avid twitter user Adam Campbell, working his absolute ass off to incorpor…
Picture of chicken and waffles gets more likes than all of woman’s life accomplishments combined
TORONTO – Unexpectedly captured reacting to an oversized order of chicken and waffles, local woman Christine Newman was shocked to see the photo receive more likes on social media than ever…
