SASKATOON, SK – Leaked documents from earlier this morning have revealed the full contents of Santa Claus’ previously undisclosed naughty and nice lists, with many were surprised to learn t…
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Hot sibling placed at front in Christmas card photo
MONTREAL – For the sixteenth year in a row, flaxen haired, blue eyed Christine Wiley, 24, has been placed in front of lanky brother Jack Wiley, 17, and her brunette sister Lindsay Wiley, 28…
This year’s jar of preserves from friend reminder to throw out last year’s jar
CORNWALL, ON – Local citizen Karen Baker reports that the jar of tomato relish Tammy Hopper gave her at the end of a dinner party last night is the perfect reminder to throw out the jar of …
Elf to step down from shelf after allegations of inappropriate behaviour
The Living Room – Beloved children’s character Elf on the Shelf will be stepping down from his duties immediately amid allegations of ‘inappropriate behaviour’. Though the action is apparen…
Parents lining up to place children on lap of strange man wearing disguise
SURREY, BC – In what onlookers can only describe as a strange violation of everyday norms, parents from all over the community are waiting in line for up to half-an-hour in order to place t…
”I’m living my best life,” says woman using hand cream on face
LONDON, ON – Local life coach, Evelyn Bell, 34, has proclaimed she is currently living her best life, no matter what others might think, even as she squeezes the last out of tube of hand cr…
BREAKING: Mother of three finally figures out how to use digital camera
THUNDER BAY, ON – After finally getting around to using her Christmas gift from ten years ago, late breaking reports indicate that mother of three Joanna Johnson, 57, has finally figured ou…
Quebec asks store clerks to punch English-speakers in the face repeatedly
Quebec City – The provincial legislature of Quebec has unanimously passed a motion encouraging retail workers to promote the use of French by punching English-speaking customers in the face…
Report: Tingling in your left arm probably nothing
HALIFAX – Sources are reporting that the tingling in your left arm is nothing to be concerned with. Further reports indicate that you should not call 911 but rather stay in line at this sur…
How to baby proof your home using birth control
For many new parents, one of the biggest stresses of bringing home their little bundle of joy is making sure that their home is safe. The home is a nightmare of hazards, from knives, to bathtubs,…
