KINGSTON, ON – After repeated warnings from bar owner Glen Hobschmeer to tone it down, a rowdy trivia team has been issued a life ban from bars citywide that host game nights centering on i…
Local
Openly sobbing in public entirety of woman’s self-care ritual
ST. JOHN’S, NL – When taking her lunch hour outside on a bench yesterday, Samira Kader devoted the majority of her break to sobbing uncontrollably. Kader asserted that crying in public was …
Local woman wishes she’d bought more of these pants
VICTORIA – Local pants-wearer Bedelia Katz is furious with herself for not buying more of these pants when she had the chance. “These are the best pants I’ve ever owned,” Katz said. “They’r…
Local couple thinking harder than ever about going camping this summer
MONTREAL — Sources say local couple Emily and Mark are spending the long weekend by talking about going camping more seriously than ever. “They’re really going for it this year,…
Local man reconnects with cottage owning friend every year about this time
TORONTO – Local resident Michael Soplinka, 28, has once again used the month of June to get in touch with his ‘lifelong’ friend Eric Gaston, whose family happens to own a cottage on Georgia…
Older couple reads obituaries to see which Canadian community newspapers have passed away
NORWICH, ON – As part of their mid-morning ritual, retirees Gladys and Albert Heatherington turn to their newspaper obituary section to see if any small town newspapers have passed on. “Oh,…
New charity focuses on lowering teens’ self-esteem to keep them out of trouble
HAMILTON, ON – After a series of reported instances of graffiti and ding-dong-ditches, a group of alarmed parents joined together to form Locals Against Confident Kids (L.A.C.K.) in order to stop…
Hungry bachelor determined to select least sad rotisserie chicken
OTTAWA – As Tyler Sandford observed a wall of slowly rotating chicken carcasses, he mentally prepared himself to make the most important decision of his life. “I will no longer be a stereot…
Dad with cellphone holster not fucking around during trip to beach
VANCOUVER – A local father of two was spotted wearing a heavy-duty nylon phone holster at Kits Beach yesterday. Several eyewitnesses reported that the holster was rugged yet surprisingly sl…
Wedding planner suggests barn
KINGSTON – The longstanding puzzle of where to hold the upcoming wedding of a Kingston couple was valiantly solved by local wedding planner, Suzanne Albright, who bravely saved the day by suggest…
