HAMILTON, ON – After a series of reported instances of graffiti and ding-dong-ditches, a group of alarmed parents joined together to form Locals Against Confident Kids (L.A.C.K.) in order to stop their children from becoming assertive enough to be able to get into any trouble.
The charity employs after school programs such as “You think you’re so tough now, don’t you,” “Why can’t you be more like your siblings?” and “What’s that smell? I wasn’t born yesterday, I know what pot smells like.”
These programs aim to throw the attendees off their adolescent cocksuredness and prevent future crimes. L.A.C.K. hopes they will learn the safe habit of second guessing every choice they ever make.
“If little Jimmy doesn’t think he’s cool enough to rob a bank, then he probably never will,” says Shanice Jones, the charity’s president. She cites the deplorable depiction overconfident movie villains such as Dr. Hannibal Lecter and the alien from Alien as her inspiration for joining the movement.
“It takes a lot of self-assurance to overthrow a government!” Says Pastor Steve Robinson, whose church houses the L.A.C.K. organization. “If the kids are too ashamed of themselves to leave their house, we could prevent so much future unruly behaviour.”
L.A.C.K. attendee, Jason Lee, states: “Before I started coming here, I was audacious enough to think I could leave poop on Mr. Thomas’ doorstep and get away with it. Now I’m not too sure.”
The charity is aiming to expand their reach to other cities across Canada in order to prevent the spread of dangerous toxic mischief and tomfoolery.
