“These are the best pants I’ve ever owned,” Katz said. “They’re a beautiful colour, they go with everything, and-”
Katz, overcome with emotion, had to take a moment to compose herself before continuing.
“-and they have real, actual pockets,” Katz said, wiping away a tear.
Katz, who has a long history of only realizing how much she loves an article of clothing after she’s worn it a few times and it is no longer available in the store, has stopped wearing the pants because she reasons that each time she wears them now is one less time she’ll be able to wear them in the future.
“I looked everywhere for more pairs, even searched the dark web,” Katz said. “I was willing to learn how to use bitcoin for the sake of these pants. You can find human organs online, but heaven forbid you want the only pair of pants in existence that makes your butt look fantastic.”
At press time, Katz was cursing the gods after finding out the only brand of lip balm she isn’t allergic to has been discontinued.