CRANBROOK, BC – Claiming “you can’t be too prepared”, local woman Lori Patel revealed this week that she has mournful Facebook statuses ready to go for the upcoming deaths of hundreds of ce…
Culture
As male filmmakers are sidelined by scandal, Hollywood turns to films directed by boys
LOS ANGELES – The increasing number of male directors embroiled in sexual harassment and abuse scandals has threatened to shut down all film production in Hollywood, leaving studios in a state of…
Netflix finds Kevin Spacey too morally deficient to play Frank Underwood
LOS GATOS, CA – After years starring as Frank Underwood, Netflix has announced it is ending production of House of Cards, one of its most popular series, following historical allegations th…
Society ready to hate nerds again
THE WHOLE WORLD – Citing factors such as Young Sheldon, GamerGate, and the fact that Star Wars gets crammed down our collective throats every goddamn Christmas now, society as a whole has a…
Marketing campaign for Thor: Ragnarok gets out of hand after giant wolf eats the sun
BURBANK, CA – Marvel Studios have issued an apology for inadvertently triggering the real Ragnarök with the marketing campaign for the latest installment in the Thor franchise. “I want to b…
Experts warn against participating in #asbestoschallenge
OTTAWA, ON- Following a recent survey of medical research, a panel of scientists have discovered that the ‘asbestos challenge’ currently trending on social media is not the harmless f…
Local man replaces entire personality with things he’s heard on podcasts
EDMONTON – After years of constantly listening to podcasts and judiciously keeping himself from any real world experience, local man Jacob Spoots has replaced every facet of his personality…
Japan green-lights “Gundam Seinfeld” as revenge for every shitty US anime remake
TOKYO – Earlier today the nation of Japan formally vocalized its displeasure after years of seeing countless beloved anime features ruined by Hollywood produced live-action remakes, and sta…
Nation could really use Gord Downie’s songwriting to help them process Gord Downie’s death
KINGSTON – Waking up to the news of Gord Downie’s death, the nation was forced to confront the fact that the only thing that could help them deal with this tragedy would be a moving b…
Nation’s women running out of ways to say “YEAH OF COURSE IT’S HAPPENED TO ME!”
OTTAWA – A social media trend created in response to producer Harvey Weinstein’s assault allegations has reportedly exhausted methods for women to say “Yes all women”, “Me too”, “Obviously”…
